#I can make them as crazy and irrational as I want

[descendintorantness]

least argumentative mal stan… (JOKE. JOKING THIS IS A JOKE I PROMISE.)

you got me!!! i’m actually an evil anti-feminist who hates women :( /sar

No defense for excusing the love spell, I see…

"it truly makes ME sick that you can be so hateful towards a teenage girl!” I’m a teenager. I spent most of my teenage years as a teenage girl, and a a victim of many of the forms of abuse that Mal employs. Hating Mal is a coping mechanism for me, and she is not real. Directing my anger onto her doesn’t harm anyone and I find it fun to critically engage with the media in this way. It’s funny to me that you’re trying to take some moral high-ground by calling me out for hating on a fictional teenage girl (Mal) when you also hate on a fictional teenage girl (Audrey).

"A teenage girl who grew up abused and was morally taught to do all the wrong things for her mother's attention and affection.” You know who’s also a teenage girl who grew up emotionally abused and taught to do morally questionable things as a way to get her caretaker (Queen Leah’s) attention and affection? Audrey.

"She didn't know any better.” Didn’t know any better is crazy because Mal's intentions were actively malicious. She was trying to hurt Ben and Auradon and take over the kingdom. “Not knowing any better” implies that the harm caused by her actions wasn’t intentional, when it explicitly was.

"Furthermore, Mal exhausted every other option before turning to the love spell.” Really? From what I saw, the love spell was not a very thought out decision. There was no real reason that Mal had to spell Ben. She tried, from your examples, three things before turning to the love spell? How does that make the love spell the last option (/gen question)? In my opinion, their attempt to break into the museum barely counted as an attempt to steal the wand given how poorly thought out it was. Her attempts to get the wand through Jane didn’t really go much farther than that one conversation in the bathroom from what I remember. While drugging Ben might be the 'easiest' option, that doesn't mean that it's not an awful thing to do. Spelling Ben was truly awful, and Mal decided to do it about two seconds after she learned that Ben's girlfriend gets to sit in the front row during the coronation (which didn't even help her much, since Jane, who wasn’t sitting next to Ben, managed to get the wand before Mal did). And to be honest, I don’t give a shit even if it was her only possible course of action. It was horrible to completely strip him of his autonomy in that way, and I can’t stand attempts to forgive or justify it. Ben deserves the truth about why she really cast the spell (to get the wand), he deserves a real apology, and he deserves to be recognized as a victim.

"What, did you think Maleficent would just take them failing in her plan lightly?” Maleficent was trapped on the Isle, with no feasible way of getting off besides the Core Four’s plan to get the wand. Her escape was purely based upon their actions.

"As well, Mal willingly and knowingly of the possible repercussions gave Ben the antidote, giving him back his choice.” Okay forgive me this is kind of off topic, but honestly, one of the things I’m most curious about is the mechanics of the love spell and its antidote within the Descendants canon. We really don’t know anything about it, and it’s kind of fascinating to me! The antidote seemed to be made with some of the same ingredients as the love spell itself in the movie (tear of human sadness), even though in Mal’s spellbook the process of the “anti-love spell” wasn’t described that way. If the spell hadn’t washed off in the Enchanted Lake and Ben just ate the brownie, would he even know he had been spelled at all? We know the spell causes emotional instability and irrational behavior, but does romantic contact with the caster negate the effects?

I really want to know how it works.

"Mal gave him that option, knowing that she'd most likely die for it, if Ben sent her back to the Isle and she didn't have the wand."

Alright, I think that “most likely die” is quite a stretch. Even though Mal gave him the brownie, she did not plan on him eating it before the Coronation (which was absolutely horrible planning on her part to give it to him before the Coronation started). She had every intention of stealing the wand with Ben still under her spell, and only after she had Maleficent taken over, reversing it. As Ben shows, he is immediately willing to forgive her for the love spell. Maybe Mal didn’t know he would do this, but she goes along with his excuse for her pretty easily. And even if she were sent back to the Isle, what would pose a threat to her? Maleficent, or the other villains, perhaps? The other villains wouldn’t pose a threat to Mal because of her status on the Isle, and given the context of their relationship, I strongly believe that Maleficent would never hurt Mal.

Despite the opinion of the majority of the fandom, I do not believe that their relationship was abusive (at least not to the extent that many people seem to think it is). Maleficent’s behavior has not affected Mal’s self-worth or emotional development in any negative way, nor did it impact her psychological capacity or emotional stability. While Maleficent was quick to criticize Mal in the beginning of the movie, she was also quick to praise her once Mal clarified the situation (“That’s my nasty little girl”). This criticism (the only criticism that we see Maleficent give), seemed to be given in a slightly teasing manner, intending to teach, not degrade. Maleficent never threatens Mal (neither with physical violence nor rejection), and shows affection/love (verbal commendation/praise). She shows her daughter support and guidance, as well as belief in her abilities. She has a whole song dedicated to giving Mal support and guidance about going to Auradon (to fulfill Maleficent’s plan of breaking the barrier, but still). Not that these are the only ways to spot abuse, but Mal also never showed the usual signs of psychological or emotional distress that come from abuse such as anxiety, depression, withdrawal, or aggression (one could argue that her “evil” exploits were signs of aggression, but those were all planned/controlled acts of “malice/evil,” and not lashing out against people she cared about or risking harm to herself). Maleficent could be considered manipulative (in the sense that she raised her daughter within her own belief system about the world) and forceful towards Mal, but there is canon evidence that their relationship wasn’t as terrible as many people would like to think. Maleficent truly believed that the best way to be successful in the world was to be “evil”. She believes she is right, and that she is teaching her daughter how to best find her way in the world. She does love Mal, and she wants her to have a good life. Not that Maleficent doesn’t have any selfish intentions with teaching her daughter evil and sending her to Auradon, but she never wanted to cause her daughter harm. She truly believed that the best thing for herself, and Mal secondarily, was to break the barrier and take over Auradon. Even if Maleficent’s moralities are not the best values to teach your child, she thought that they were. Maleficent is not a “good parent” by any means, but having her as a mother was not detrimental to Mal’s emotional well-being or development as a person in any way that could possibly excuse her actions and overall behavior.

In one of the final scenes in Descendants, where Maleficent crashes the Coronation, Mal tells Maleficent to go away and actively fights against her (throwing the wand to Fairy Godmother) with no consequences, not even a reprimand. In fact, Maleficent laughs it off and proceeds to show understanding (“You’ll get there”) and offer advice for what she believes to be Mal’s dilemma- Maleficent believes that Mal is confused about what she wants, and that she is only faltering from an “evil path” because she is unsure of herself. To be clear, I am not trying to defend Maleficent here, she is being controlling, manipulative, and a bad parent, but she never intentionally tried to harm Mal, nor did she ever threaten to. She did proceed to yell at Mal later in the scene, but she does so out of annoyance (“this is tedious and very immature”) and desire to control, not intent to harm. When Mal takes the wand from her, she just asks for it back. Forcefully, yes, but with no threats of violence or even withholding affection. She doesn’t harm or threaten to harm Mal’s friends either, she simply puts Dude back onto the floor, and when Jay tries to take her scepter she just knocks him away. And though she does turn into a dragon and breathe fire at Jay, I believe this was done as a show of power and a warning rather than actually trying to hurt him. She very easily could have killed him, Carlos, Evie, or Mal in this form, and had many opportunities, but does not make any real attempts to do so. Maleficent did not want to hurt Mal or her friends even when they actively sabotaged her. Therefore, while she would have been upset that Mal had failed, she would never have hurt her if she were sent back to the Isle, let alone have killed her. She would have protected and controlled her as she had always done. 

There is the argument that this supposed “abuse” could have happened off screen, but when examining an on-screen relationship in a movie series, it holds little to no weight. This is a movie, and the portrayal of character relationships on screen is deliberate. What we see is how the characters were written to interact, and how that relationship was meant to be perceived; the characters interacted on screen how their relationship was written within for the movie, and therefore how it is within that movie. What we can glean from Mal’s scenes with Maleficent is limited, of course, but if the writers really wanted to imply that Mal was suffering from abuse at the hands of her mother, they would have made that much clearer to us, the audience.

One again, I am not trying to excuse Maleficent’s actions or defend her as a character. I am simply trying to thoroughly explain why the Isle was never and would never be a dangerous place for Mal, especially when Maleficent was there.

Point One: "Flat out KISSING another guy not even a minute after Ben had broken up with her DOES NOT really scream genuine/deep feelings for him.” I disagree. The fact that Audrey kissed Chad does not necessarily mean that she didn’t care for Ben. As I mentioned, the situation was most definitely heartbreaking and humiliating for her, so within the context her actions make more sense as an attempt to “save face” in front of her friends and peers. Her actions of randomly grabbing a boy and kissing him in front of a crowd of people speaks to emotional instability and deep hurt.

"And please do not give me the 'but it up to Ben to talk to her!' line.” Ben has no autonomy at this point in the story. The fault is on Mal completely. I will agree that Audrey’s lack of communication was immature and indicative/causatory of problems in their relationship, but the blame cannot be placed entirely on her either. Both Ben and Audrey had poor communication and did bad things to each other throughout the movie. Audrey should have talked to Ben, and Ben should have talked to Audrey. Both are to blame, both deserved better closure when it comes to their relationship.

Point Two: I agree with your response here, well said. /gen

Point 3: If you thought I was annoying before, just wait and see what happens when you try and come for my girl Uma. /lh

I will admit that I oversimplified the “drowning” incident, but I believe you are doing the same thing.

"However, an attempt to prank the especially mean Cruella De Vil leads Mal to seemingly falling off the docks and into the water. Uma laughs at her instead of saving her, only for Mal to surprise her and dump a bucket of shrimp on Uma in return. No matter how much Uma tried to wash her hair, the disgusting smell never left her locks.”

"One day, Uma thought Mal was drowning and went in to save her, but when she realized Mal wasn't drowning, Mal dropped a bucket of shrimp on her head before calling her "Shrimpy". Mal was threatened by Uma's evilness and felt that she needed to take out the competition."

These are quotes from the Descendants wikis (I unfortunately don’t have access to the book itself to check). As I stated, Mal wasn’t actually drowning. At least with my recollection of the book, what happened is that Uma laughed at what she thought was Mal falling in the water and then went into save her once she thought Mal was actually in danger of drowning. It is hard to say whether Uma’s initial reaction was due to genuine malice and wish to see Mal harmed, if she didn’t know Mal couldn’t swim (this interpreation makes the most sense to me, as I don’t think Mal would want to share that weakness), or if she (at least at first) realized that it was a prank. However, if Uma did have truly malicious intentions, I do not believe she would have gone in to save Mal.

"Mal could not afford to be "soft.��” Neither could Uma, due to the same expectations put on her by Ursula. And yet, despite this, she showed Mal genuined kindness and put herself in harm’s way to try to save Mal, and was assaulted and harrassed for it; by Mal, her former best friend who had decided to betray her.

"Furthermore, Uma gave as good as she got in the rivalry between them.” This is just my interpretation of the canon events, but I honestly don’t think that anything Uma did had quite the emotional devastation that Mal’s actions had. Threatening to kill Ben would be the highest on the list of Uma’s “evil deeds”, in my opinion, and that was not done just to hurt Mal.

"She went after Ben and turned up to cotillion deliberately and with malice just to hurt Mal.” OOF. Tell me you missed the point of the second movie without telling me you missed the point of the second movie (/hj).

Uma’s main intentions in kidnapping Ben were not just “to get back at Mal”. That’s an insanely reductive, blatant misinterpretation of her motivations and character. She went after Ben with the expressed intention of getting the wand- the same goal that Mal had just a movie before, and the very same context you used to justify her love spell, remember?

Mal cast a love spell on Ben while he was dating someone else. Ben had explicitly told Uma that he and Mal weren't together anymore.

Uma had no illusions about what she was doing. She knew that she was doing a pretty awful thing, but she really had no other choice. Mal, however, had a bunch of other options for how to steal the wand that she never bothered to look into, as well as no real time limit to come up with a plan, but she decided to just drug someone after barely even thinking about it.

Ben knew exactly why Uma spelled him. He still believes that Mal spelled him because she liked him. He doesn't have any idea that Mal spelled him for the exact same reason Uma did: to get the wand.

Uma had reason to hate Mal, unlike Mal to Audrey. Mal bullied Uma for years in a toxic friendship and then threw her to the sharks. Audrey was a little rude to Mal and that's it. And again, Mal and Ben were not dating at the time Uma cast the spell on him. But my point is, Uma was completely justified in taking a little pleasure in the fact that Mal was upset by her showing up at Cotillion.

Although their ultimate motives for spelling Ben were the same, the way they went about it was a little different. Mal cast a spell to make herself Ben's girlfriend. Her goal was to be in a relationship with Ben. She magically forced him into being in a relationship with her, and that was her motive the entire time. Uma wanted Ben to listen to her so that he would take down the barrier. She never wanted to be in a relationship with Ben or force him to be in a relationship with her. She only wanted him to listen to her and take down the barrier. Although the end result of both Mal and Uma's spells were the same, Ben "falling in love" with each of them, their thought process about it was entirely different.

Uma didn’t catch feelings for a person she had complete control over. Mal “fell for” Ben while she believed that he was under her love spell and therefore had no emotional autonomy and no control over what he did in response to those emotions that she created for him without his consent.

And finally, both Mal and Uma spelled Ben in an attempt to get the wand, but they wanted it for different reasons. Mal wanted the wand for her mother so that she and Maleficent could take over Auradon. Uma wanted the wand to free all the kids on the Isle from poverty. Uma's goal was never selfish or with bad intentions. She genuinely wanted a better life for every kid on the Isle.

"Uma may have been the original victim of the shrimp, yes, but she quickly lost 'victim' status with her actions afterwards.” No she didn’t. No matter what she did, she remained the victim of wrongful imprisonment from Auradon and bullying from Mal.

One thing that a lot of people don't seem to get about why Uma is a much better person than Mal is that Uma isn't selfish. Sure, sometimes she has a bad attitude, yes, sometimes she is mean. But she is never selfish like Mal is. Mal couldn't care less about helping any of the other kids get off the Isle, or even getting them aid or help. Uma did. Uma truly believed that other people should have the opportunities that both people in Auradon and the Core Four got, and she was so angry because she knew that the worst kid on the Isle, Mal, got the opportunity compared to all the other kids who were actually good people. Mal just did not care about anyone on the Isle after she got to Auradon.

Uma didn't go about her goal "the right way", but since when was that ever an option to her? Kids on the Isle don't get to, say, meet with royalty and negotiate getting themselves off prison. Uma saw one chance to do something for her people, and she took it. She was skewed as the villain for thinking it was unfair that Mal, her old bully, got to be the ruler of paradise while Uma and all the other Isle kids were left to suffer.

In defence of Mal getting her 'karma' by the love spell in D2, and the people smirking, 'now she knows how it feels!'

It. Is. Different! 1 Unlike Audrey, Mal has genuine feelings for Ben at that point. (and think about the context of that. This is a girl who has never truly romantically loved someone in her life. And now that she has the person she let have her heart is getting taken away) 2. Mal has just come off months of putting herself through hell/Tartarus trying to be what she thought Ben needed. So that she wouldn't cause him issues with being a VK and on the night it was all supposed to pay off, Ben turns up with another girl. 3 Even if it's unknown to Ben and Uma Mal knows that that's not just any girl taking Ben. It's her cousin, her family that's just a deeper level of low/hurt!

So no, you cannot compare Mal and Audrey's feelings in that moment because the context of the two situations was not the same.

[notsoevilmagistrate]

I love psychotic pathetic men

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

i hate going “hey i might not be up to hanging out im just not doing well mentally” but also i know if im either constantly panicking or completely out of it while we’re hanging out then it won’t go well

[quartings]

The original Gravity Falls pitches and pilot just dropped!!

(Link for those who want it)

For those who don't wanna look through all of it, here are some highlights I found!

Interesting changes from the pitch (What Alex Hirsch showed Disney to make them greenlight the show):

Stan’s secret was that he’s secretly protecting the townsfolk from weirdness, nothing to do with Ford. No mention of Ford in the pitch at all. Stan also wanted Dipper and Mabel to be his successors in this version.

Mabel used to be the unhygienic one instead of Dipper.

Wendy was brunette and didn’t work as the Mystery Shack cashier, instead selling veggie juice out of her van.

As such, Soos (Jesús in this version) worked the register in addition to his handyman job in this version. He was a bit less of a hard worker here, watching telenovelas on the job sometimes, but still loves his job and is extremely loyal to Stan.

Robbie was almost exactly the same, parents’ backstory and all, but there’s an interesting note that he occasionally clashed with Gideon in this version (which we never got in the final show)

Speaking of which, Gideon’s last name in this version was Garrymore instead of Gleeful.

Gideon used to personally harass and prank Stan, going out of his way to vandalize Stan’s stuff himself.

Manly Dan was always planned to be Wendy’s dad. In this version, he hates the idea that his hipster daughter prefers conserving the environment instead of chopping down forests

(For those who wanted more Wendy episodes, I’m surprised Hirsch didn’t use this as a conflict for one of them- it makes her interesting without costing any of her “coolness”)

Sheriff Blubs was originally Sheriff “Blumps”. Durland has the same name likely because Hirsch said he’s named after a real guy.

With no Ford and no Journal mentioned, episodes were originally very different-

“The President’s Cabinet/Irrational Treasure.” Instead of via the journal, Dipper and Mabel find a record of Quentin Trembley in a box buried in the yard. No Pacifica mentioned here.

“Secret Dungeon” Dipper becomes obsessed with a recalled arcade cabinet. Mabel must try and save him by finding the original high scorer.

“Thtupid Thursday” One of the many ‘Shining Twins’ episode concepts Hirsch wanted to do. Dipper and Mabel learn ‘twin telepathy’ from some creepy twins, and soon regret it.

“Periodic Mabel” Mabel invents her own element for the science fair and Dipper is jealous.

“Only the Clonely/Boyz Crazy” The exact same episode just without Candy and Grenda. Sev’ral Timez is called “ReelBoyzzz” in this version.

“Big Dipper” With surprisingly no tie to Little Dipper, Dipper asks a fortune teller to make him older so he can win Wendy over. But she makes him 22, so he and Mabel have to undo the spell.

“Sweater off Dead” Mabel buys an antique sweater and is possessed by the soul of the granny who last wore it. Stan is terrified by the spirit because she reminds him of his ex-wife Marilyn (Deep Edalyn Clawthorne lore???) so Dipper must “Swexorcize” his sister and save her.

“Teed Off/The Golf War” With no Pacifica, this was originally a Dipper vs Gideon episode- No Lilliputtians, either. Instead, the 13th hole is cursed and traps the cast in a time loop.

Now, changes from the Production Pitch (I’m guessing for when the show was already greenlit and this was a way to brief crew members on what the show would 100% be about)

Stan’s secret (likely the portal) and the journal are now set in stone.

Emphasis on continuity and character development. Nothing gets “reset” by next episode. All plot developments are permanent.

All character names and designs are locked in. Pacifica has now been added, as well as Waddles, Gompers, Lazy Susan, Candy and Grenda, and McGucket (No mention or hint at his past here)

Interesting to note is that there is still zero outright mention of Ford and Bill in this version, even though multiple episodes were seemingly in production at this point.

Manly Dan’s conflict with Wendy from the original pitch is still here. Making it even more mindblowing that we never got it in the show

Blubs and Durland are described as a little more playful instead of mean like in the original pitch.

All episode examples made it into the show with no changes this time. They are Tourist Trapped, Legend of the Gobblewonker, Fight Fighters, Boyz Crazy, and The Land Before Swine.

[preposterousjams]

My opinion on the Latino Jason Todd headcanon

While I do understand ppl's criticism of the latino Jason todd headcanon and how its kind of racist to make the kid with parents with drug problems as the latino one, to me its more of a reclamation BECAUSE of DC's racism.

Read any 80s/90s batman issue that covers gang violence and drugs, most if not ALL of the criminals are poc; black people and latinos visibly make up the majority in the poorer neighbourhoods in Gotham. Aside from the caricaturist way they r drawn/speak, its not THAT weird cause its a reflection of irl big cities where immigrants and marginalised ppl are often forced to live in such situations, (like most of my dominican family lives in the bronx... it aint racist to say dominicans tend to flock there), BUT...the weird part is when the second a sympathetic character comes from that area, he's white and has a name thats "too fancy for the streets".

Obviously, Jason was created to look like the old robin, so I can't say that the whole "diamond in the rough" situation was purposely a tad bit racist, but its still a lil weird (especially with bruce's comment).

If Jason were a part of the overwhelming demographic in his area, the good-kid-in-a-bad-area trope has less connotations. DC is currently trying to fix this trope is by making crime alley whiter, which isn't bad but they could've just yk... humanised the non-white residents.

I also feel like the messed up way Jason was treated post-death is what makes him so relatable to latino readers. His tragic story of dying while trying to save his only living relative is turned into a lesson for newer vigilantes. Jason's particular disdain for abusers on a few occasions was twisted (by both writers and characters) into him always being dumb, reckless, cocky, angry and disobedient, always violent, never having been able to get over his upbringing. None of those things were true (he was a normal level of reckless and cocky like every other robin, not more), but its an easier narrative to digest compared to how it was in reality; a kid who worked so hard and loved even harder, died to save a woman who couldn't care less about his existence. He was an emotional AND smart kid who wanted so bad to help others get better but was remembered as too emotional (in a bad way).

THIS is the reality for many latino diasporas in day to day life; Theres no question that Latino culture is passionate and emotive, but people from other cultures assume that it is followed by instead of logical. both can coexist. emotion does not mean u have no logic. Emotions can be irrational but they aren't inherently that way, and I wouldn't say that the moments where Jason lashed out as a teenager were irrational (in og runs, not rewrites post red hood), they were mostly done to protect someone (going crazy on abusers, disobeying batman to save sheila, that time he got into a fight at school to defend his friend).

A lot of euro-centric culture is OBSESSED with the idea that rationality is separate from feelings and emotions, but not crying at a funeral doesn't mean you're better than those who do. Emotions are the basis of human ethics and morals, they define the way we interact as a collective and ignoring them does not mean they are not there. Theres no winner to a contest of who can feel the less. And the way Jason's emotions are treated (pre-rh, hes definitely unhinged afterwards lol) is so in line with how white culture tends to punish those who aren't ashamed to feel.

I TOTES UNDERSTAND that some ppl who headcanon Jason as latino are doing it for the complete opposite of reasons, like "oh here some angry emotional guy with druggie parents, haha must be latino". Its weird. I dont like it. And its only brought up so he can swear in spanish in some rlly bad text post where his emotions are getting out. But to me there's so much potential for metanarrative and commentary on how latinos are treated in media that can be exemplified through the way his character is treated. Being latino would add SO MUCH DEPTH to his character and his dynamic with the others.

[emo-trash101]

hii! i dont know if your requests are open or not but can you du a sbg x reader with tyler and aiden where they won't leave the reader alone in the phantom realm (to make sure they're okay) but don't even look at their face in the normal world just because they have the biggest cruh on them? if you don't do thats totally fine tho \ (•◡•) /

Yeah ofc! I'm gonna do these as headcannons, but if you want oneshots just let me know

Tyler and Aiden x Reader

Pronouns: Second person, gender neutral

Tw: spoilers, Literally School Bus Graveyard as a whole

Tyler -

- So as we all know, Tyler is a certified worrier.

- And douchebag (sorry man, still love you)

- But he's very protective of the people he cares about, which luckily includes you.

- Which is why, after you tagged along to Savannah and went to the phantom world with him and everyone else, he panicked hardcore.

- Essentially his entire world came crashing down after he realized he could lose you and his sister.

- But the absolute best part: You didn't even know he liked you. He actually actively avoided you in the real world.

- A lot of times when others or you would point out how he's oddly protective of you, he brushes it off saying he's protective of everyone (We all know thats a lie.)

- And eventually everyone decides to just let it play out, and see what happens.

- After he dies in the phantom realm and wakes up in the hospital, he panics because thats when he realizes he can lose you too.

- After Aiden almost dies however, Tyler doubles down. He becomes more protective of you and Taylor, and eventually panic confesses to you.

- You are so astounded when he confesses because y'all like just woke up after Aiden died and he's like "I'm in love with you.", it's kinda bonkers.

Aiden -

- ??huh??

- I personally don't think he's the kinda guy to get embarrassed or anything around his crush whatsoever.

- Like the second he figured out he liked you, he just said it. And then y'all started dating

- However this does mean he doesn't leave you alone really ever, phantom realm or not.

- But honestly that's not too crazy, he's sweet about it.

- But he does worry about you a lot more now, and tries to keep an eye on you at all times. but obviously sometimes that just can't happen.

- But similar to Tyler, after both him and Tyler die, he worries about you so much more, to the point where it's slightly obsessive.

- Like he continues his irrational and lowkey crazy exterior, but he worries about you internally.

- He still cares though, and at least you've known it since the beginning

[astuteology]

Has this ever happened to you?

Placements that you should keep an eye on-

[Edit:don't be confused about the placements i mentioned below. Ask if you have any doubts. Share your own experiences with these placements. And read the title carefully! The placements alone may or may not cause this, some other placements can alter that as well. Still if you have any confusion or doubts, you can send me your birth details with your question and ill be more than happy to answer! {I dont charge :)}]

Any planet (except for outer) as your 5th lord, sitting in the 12th house: look at the sign, sidereal (It is VERY important to look at the sidereal placements for accuracy). Besides having soooo maaaany hidden talents, it attracts hidden stalkers. For eg- sun sitting in the 12th house as the 5th house lord in the sign leo, anyone with leo placements will go INSANELY crazy for you and they WILL NOT hear "no" from you. It is very invasive and disgusting, potentially leading to feelings of anxiety and fear in you.

Lilith in the 1st house: 5th, 7th, 10th and 12th are also affected with this BUT lilith in the 1st is THE MOST AFFECTED PLACEMENT. No matter what sign you have, one thing is for sure no one will stand up for you, no will be ever be real with you, everyone will try to humble you down. Especially with females, not one female friend of yours is true to you, nor they ever will be. Not even the new friends that you'll be making. Now if you are feeling that no it is not like that my friend is not like that, wait, time will tell the truth.

Mars in cancer: worse if its in the 4th and retrograde. Mars doesn't do well with emotions, it's an energy and it wants to be set free. One thing is sure, your family is against you no matter how much they tell you and show you that they love you. It's an act. Wait until you evasdrop.

For women; men will try to dominate you, tell you things you want to hear, to gain control over you. For men; all of your male friends, are not your friends. All. Of. Them. If you are committed, women will try to manipulate you into leaving your partner. Do not.

Pisces/Sagittarius/cancer sun/moon in the 12th house: first and foremost, I salute you for surviving 🫡. If youre thinking "it will get easy", it. Will. Not. You will eventually have to remove yourself from whatever gave you hell.

Saturn+moon+north/south node in the 2nd, 4th, 6th or 12th: the good side is; WONDERFUL self control, GREAT and in depth knowledge of humans, it can take you to great positions but with perseverance. Now the negatives; anxiety that is almost impossible to control. Irrational fears. Women figures in your home or relatives will always be after you to attack you. It will definitely take you away from your home (physical or mental distance). But you will always be chased after by your family, relatives, cousins, oldest friends, ex friends, exes.... I mean the jealous ones.

Scorpio rising/ascendant: the ones you consider your "loved ones" or "closest to me", do they feel the same about you?.... hmm?. Read that again.

You need to be very very VERY cautious with people you meet, your every friend, even the childhood ones, literally everyone, even your siblings or cousins. They may or may not be real with you. Look for- guilt tripping, victim card, women's card, attention seeking, emotional manipulation, using your past against you, grandiosity, self centeredness (even if it is subtle), gaslighting by minimization, emotional triangulation, love bombing, projection reversal, etc. If you suspect someone close to you has narcissistic tendencies, cut them off. If your can't, ignore them. I know it is hard, but you will not give them power over you.

Neptune on the ascendant: no one will ever know the real you. No one will ever believe you. Even if you tell them about yourself. There's no "first impression is the last impression" for others, it's "someone told me you are like that so i'll always believe you are like that" for others. Annnd its also gonna come from the people you never expected.

8th house synastry with your best friends, cousins or siblings: ooooffff.... that shit will hurt badly. Once there is "THAT" fight, ykwim, there's no going back. No rebuilding bonds, no trusting anyone ever again, emotional exhaustion. Watch them tell your secrets to the people you both disliked, watch them replace you so quickly, watch them do the things they told you they will never do, watch them befriend people they said were not nice, watch them playing the victim card. And then one day they'll come back again and act like they've changed, when its just to use you again. A whole new level of narcissism here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are more! Stay tuned.

[scoobydoodean]

You really just can't unsee it once you see it though, can you?

Sam starts blaming Dean for what he's going to do (work with Ruby) way back in 3.09 because Dean isn't going to be around to be Sam's mommy, which is going to force Sam's hand.

After Dean comes back, Sam actually blames Dean for him working with Ruby by saying Dean wasn't there to protect him (4.04).

Dean repeatedly begs Sam not to work with Ruby and is ignored repeatedly (3.03, 3.04, 3.09, 3.16, 4.01-4.04, 4.12-4.22).

After telling Dean to open up to him and trust him (4.08), Sam calls Dean weak and pathetic for being traumatized by hell and says Dean is holding him back and therefore deserves to be lied to because he can't be of use (4.14) Sam says it's not what he really thinks when they both know it is (and Sam repeats it to other characters in 4.16, and 4.18) and then he admits it's the truth again to Dean's face in 4.21.

Sam accuses Dean of not trusting him enough (4.21).

Bobby blows up at Dean for not supporting Sam enough and calls him a pansy after Sam strangled Dean near unconscious, and tells him family is supposed to make you miserable (4.22).

Dean tries to reach out to Sam and Zachariah and Cas actively prevent him from doing so (Cas only at first) (4.22)

Zachariah (5.01) and Cas (5.02) both tell Dean the apocalypse is his fault because Dean didn't reach Sam in time to stop him from killing Lilith.

Dean says Sam hurt him, Sam is the one Dean depended on the most and Sam hurt him in ways he can't even voice (5.01). Sam apologizes, but then in the very next episode, shoves Dean into a wall for not trusting him like Dean is crazy and irrational when Sam doesn't even trust himself (5.02).

Sam says he thinks they should go their separate ways and is shocked when Dean agrees easily. Dean says that he spends more time worrying about Sam than he does doing the job right and time apart would be good. Sam reiterates that he's sorry and Dean gently says he knows Sam is (5.02).

Cas asks Dean if he's okay even without his brother, and Dean says "Especially without my brother. I mean, I spent so much time worrying about the son of a bitch. I mean, I’ve had more fun with you in the past twenty-four hours than I’ve had with Sam in years, and you’re not that much fun. It’s funny, you know, I’ve been so chained to my family, but now that I’m alone, hell, I’m happy." (5.03)

Sam says he wants back in. Dean objects, on the basis that he thinks they're stronger apart. Dean says they're each other's weaknesses and it's being used against them (5.04, but the weakness line is repeated from 3.03 and 3.16).

Zachariah pushes Dean into a future 2014 where Dean never met up with Sam again, and as a result, Sam said "Yes" to Lucifer, and billions of people died. All because Dean didn't want to be around Sam after being hurt and never reconnected with him (5.04).

Dean reconnects with Sam (5.04) even though he clearly doesn't want to, because the first case we see them on again, Dean struggles to trust Sam and leaves to go drink alone because he doesn't want to be around Sam (5.05).

Sam says part of the reason he went off with Ruby was to get away from Dean, because Dean is smothering. Dean is the problem in the relationship, because Sam feels inferior compared to him. Dean apologizes for being too smothering (5.05).

What does all of this tell you? Dean can't win. Dean will always be the bad guy in the family. He loves too much, or he isn't loving enough. Sam needs him and Dean wasn't there for him and so Sam went down the wrong path, but also Dean is smothering and Dean being smothering is the reason Sam went down the wrong path. Sam is not a trustworthy person, but Dean doesn't trust him enough. Sam not being trustworthy is Dean's fault. Dean doesn't deserve trust, but Sam deserves Dean's trust no matter what and not giving Sam his trust is the worst possible thing in the entire world and also again makes him smothering. The apocalypse is Dean's fault. Every single thing Sam does every single mistake he might ever make in his life is always at least partly Dean's fault and Dean's responsibility.

[xzaddyzanakinx]

Not That Kind of Guy

Part Four: Stalker!Anakin Skywalker × femme reader series

Warnings: stalking, weirdo behavior, psychotic/delusional behavior, possessive/protective, sexism/misogyny, one-sided relationship, sexual content, pervy behavior, male masturbation, panty kink, sex daydreams [eventual warning for smut; be sure to pay attention to future warnings in the series]

Info: Anakin is doing his very best, he just loves you and wants you to be comfy around him. Just let him worm his way into your heart babe [diary entries from Ani] extremely not proofread. I’m illiterate so apologies in advance MDNI 18+

Diary Entry: July 8th

Mr. Nelson’s funeral was today, it really was a beautiful ceremony as I look back on it. Even more so when my inner self smears the background enough to bring you to the front of the mental image.

You’d spoken to the man a handful of times, but I didn’t expect you to come. When I saw you accept the invite to the event on Facebook I thought surely it was a mistake. That was until you messaged Luke and asked him to accompany you, funerals make you nervous, but feeling obligated to do something and avoiding it makes you more nervous.

So your moral support was happy to attend and fight off dear old Alan’s corpse should he rise from the casket and set his sights on you.

And I though I had irrational fears, geez babydoll, how old were you when you watched Night of The Living Dead for the first time? If I had to guess it was too young. It’s alright though I get it, you know what movie traumatized me? The Mummy. Heebied my fucking Jeebies so bad I avoided the beach on family vacations.

You’re telling me there’s not a sarcophagus under all that sand? There’s at least one under there and you can’t convince me otherwise.

Solid ground for me only, please and thank you.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

I had a thought that I initially considered to be a sweet reminder of my dear friend Alan. His obituary was in the newspaper and I happened to swipe one from the guest book table at the viewing as well. Have you ever scrapbooked before? I bet you’ve at least tried it.

Well I thought it would be nice to make him a page in my journal. A little celebration of life for the man who gave me an opportunity to grow and nurture my love for you.

Then I realized mid-glue stick on the newspaper clipping that the idea was something that a clinically insane person would do.

I’m not that guy. That guy’s not me.

But the glue was already on there and it felt wrong to toss Alan’s wrinkly old face into the trash so I pasted him into my journal anyway.

Crazy people don’t know that they’re crazy. I’m well aware that little idea was less than tasteful, just felt like I should mention that.

Date:

July 28th

Anakin Skywalker hadn’t been this happy since… ever. The previous record being his discovery of you, was now toppled into second place and overshadowed by ‘Move In Day’.

He could hardly contain himself. It was a dopamine high that he would ride out until he’d drained every last drop.

The movers lugged in box after box, furniture and books, until finally they dropped off the last load and thanked Anakin for the business. He eagerly shook their hand and shoved them out. He had preparations to make.

He set up his Tv, screen mirroring the live feed of the apartment building entrance to the big screen so that he could easily keep an eye out for you while he unpacked his kitchen.

He’d planned your ‘meet-cute’ meticulously, looking to your bookshelf and streaming services to gather intel on your ideal scenario. You were an odd bird, but he liked that about you. It’s part of your charm, it’s part of the challenge. You’re not as predictable in your tastes and interests as others can be.

Anakin formulated the interaction step by step, frame by frame in the storyboard of his imagination until he had the perfect scene. His box office hit that he’d replay over and over again until the next time he stood face to face with you.

It took quite some time and a load of practice. Discarded dialogue, awkward movements that made him feel stiff and less than human when he practiced them in the mirror. Endless options of clothes, shoes, and hair.

Should he get a new piercing? He wanted to. So he did, he knew you’d like it.

It’d match the one he already had on the opposite nostril. It made him feel more complete to add something so permanent to his body, he wished he could do something similar with you. He wanted you to be permanent, so maybe it’s his subconscious’s way of telling him that this was going in the right direction.

He was on the right path. His journey of life alone was coming to a close and a new trail would reveal itself. No more rocky, unsteady tread. No more sharp turns and blind spots, no more impossible inclines.

Scraped knees and bloodied hands would be distant memories. Maybe even distant enough that he could toss them into The Pit.

He would have no need for anger or sorrow anymore.

How could he feel anything but the warm embrace of love as he strolled down the flowered path ahead with you?

Who knew that you could position one box in 83 different ways and hate every single one of them? Anakin was so thankful there weren’t any actual surveillance cameras in the apartment building. It’d be really difficult to explain why he was in the hallway for an hour with his hands on his hips, scooting a box of books a centimeter or two at a time. Turning it sideways and then making sure the book on top was perfectly positioned and would effectively fall to the ground to catch your attention.

He checked his watch nonstop, stared at his Tv screen, willing you to just hurry the fuck up before he vomited from anxiety. He’d waited months for this. If he fucked it up now he’d… well he’d probably keel over on the spot.

Which would promptly traumatize you and not even his ghost would be able to peacefully haunt you. It’s hard to peacefully haunt someone if they watched you die, or at least Anakin assumed it would be difficult. He wasn’t willing to test that theory though.

So, he puffed up his chest and walked back into his apartment and rehearsed the upcoming conversation a few more times. He needed, desperately needed to ensure his facial expressions conveyed what he wanted.

Soft, trustworthy, dependable, safe, caring.

He practiced softening his eyes, knowing sometimes he stared alittle too hard. He worked on his facial fidget; chewing on the inside of his cheek was a quick tell of his nervousness. He didn’t want to be perceived as nervous, he wanted to be confident and sure of himself so that you would be confident in your soon to blossom affection for him.

His eyebrows, that’s a hard one, but he’d meticulously watched bar goers trying to flirt. The successful ones he learned, sometimes use their eyebrows in place of questions or words. A difficult concept, but one he studied until he mastered it.

Now, the other facial expressions and mannerisms… he gathered that information from your watch lists on your streaming services. For the visible examples at least, but your books were just as helpful in describing how he should approach you, speak to you, and simply exist near you.

He hadn’t realized these things were this important until now. Standing and posture was surprisingly very, very important to women. As well as hand movements and subtle glances and minuscule changes of expression.

You were worth the time and effort it took to learn all of it. He’d read and research and practice until he couldn’t stand to look at himself in the mirror any longer. He was determined to make sure you were happy with the results.

He was startled by a loud ping, someone had entered to building and holy shit it was you.

Anakin shook out his hands frantically, remembering the breathing techniques he’d learned as a child, he grounded himself quickly.

It’s okay.

‘She’s gonna love you. She’ll warm up to you quickly, you know everything you need to know about her to make her comfortable and loved.’

‘There’s no way she won’t fall head over heels.’

He smoothed out his band-tee and ran his hands through his hair quickly and headed to his door that was propped open slightly. A few boxes sat in the hall, including the most important one, the one instrumental to his plan.

The apartment hallway was ridiculously tiny, which worked in his favor in this situation.

He heard you come up the stairs, counted your steps until he knew you were almost at the door, 17 and a half steps. Then he swung open the door and bent down to grab one of the boxes.

As expected, he startled you and you dropped your keys. You always wore your backpack on one shoulder, one strap. So when you quickly went to scoop up your keys, your bag swung out of place and toppled a few books from one of the boxes.

Perfect. Absolutely perfect.

Anakin could gloat to himself about his magnificent setup later, right now he needed to woo you with his sweet words.

“Oh, sweetheart I’m sorry.” He said softly, coming over to offer you a hand up.

“It’s okay, my bad.” You laughed, taking his hand.

He managed to keep calm and collected despite his insides boiling him alive at the willing skin contact.

“No, not at all. It’s my fault for startling you like that.” He chuckled, squeezing your upper arm and using his hand already in yours to give you a small handshake. Smooth.

“I’m Anakin.” He said with a bashful smile, dropping your hand and reveling in the lingering warmth your palm left on his.

You introduced yourself in return, gesturing to his apartment door.

“So I take it that you’re my new neighbor huh?” You said, making small talk as you crouched down to pick up the books you’d knocked over.

“No I’m just a one man moving crew.” He grinned.

“Very funny.” You laughed, standing up as you looked through the titles. “Hmm, you’ve got good taste.”

“You think so?” He asked, remembering to make his eyebrows swoop up toward the middle of his forehead to give a quizzical look.

“Oh yeah, this is one of my favorites.” You said, showing him the cover of The Silmarillion by Tolkien.

“Not many people actually read that one, I’m impressed.” He smiled.

“Impressed? Yeah well I’m jealous.” You laughed.

“What?” He chuckled, holding his hands out to take the other books from you.

“This is a really nice edition, it’s similar to mine. I recently lost it.” You sighed. “I think I must’ve left it the park or maybe it fell out of my bag or something.”

“Ah, that sucks… well, I mean I’ve read that one a few times now. It’s been well loved.” He said tipping the books in his arms toward the one you were holding. “Why don’t you keep it?”

He shrugged, acting nonchalant as though this didn’t mean the entire world to him and if you said no he’d sob about it later.

“You’re serious?” You asked in surprise, he was offering you a 50$ special edition book and you’d barely known him for a minute.

“Yeah, ‘course sweetheart.” He said with a cute, crooked smile. “Think of it as a… reverse house warming gift.” He chuckled.

“Thank you, I- this means a lot to me.” You said, grinning widely. “That’s real sweet of you Anakin. I owe you one.”

“No worries.” He chuckled, “I’m sure we’ll find a way to make it even sweetheart.” His gaze flickered quickly from your eyes to your lips, and he turned to go back into his apartment after giving you an almost-missed wink.

You stepped inside your home, and went straight to the bookshelf to put your new-to-you book where it belonged. After the fact you stood there and buffered, just staring at it.

‘There’s no way, this guy has to be too good to be true.’

But he seemed… so genuine. He didn’t ogle you, he didn’t make you feel weird or like he just felt obligated to speak to you.

He seemed to actually, really be a good guy.

Rare. Few and far of those exist in this day and age. It’s uncommon to meet someone who would do something, even as simple as giving you a used book, without expecting anything in return.

But he didn’t seem to expect anything. He didn’t seem to even expect a thank you, it was like he’d already decided he would give it to you before he even offered.

What are the odds that a hot, tattooed and pierced man moves in next door and gifts you an expensive book that just so happens to be an even better replacement for the one that you just lost? That couldn’t happen twice even if you tried to make it happen again.

What kind of second dimension did you step into? The land of dreamy men?

Diary Entry: July 28th

It’s late. But I have to write to you, it can’t wait til tomorrow.

Everything went more perfectly than I could’ve imagined. Thank you so much for being you sweet girl. It made my job of curating the scenery so much easier, you clumsy little thing. I am sorry for having to spook you though, but it worked didn’t it?

Research pays off. Always.

And of course there’s the issue of your book, I hated to see your frustration and your mad scowl when you realized it was missing from your backpack. I really did.

But I’d do it every goddamn day if I knew I’d get the same reaction out of you from giving you that new copy.

Oh god you’re… you’re beautiful. You’re so beautiful. You look angelic when you sleep but you look like competition for Aphrodite when you smile at me.

You smiled, grinned. You smiled all the way up to the corners of your bright and beautiful eyes. For me.

You even laughed for me.

It was so sweet I could taste it. The honey of your voice, I could fucking bathe in it. Just the sound of you speaking, knowing you were speaking to me. Really speaking to me.

In the flesh.

It’s intoxicating. It’s emboldening, it’s dangerous. I’ve never been more worked up in my life. I’m torn all to pieces from at two minute and 6 second conversation.

I think I’ll have to fucking recover from this like a damn hangover.

But what has me so drunk you might ask? Was it your laugh at my stupid jokes? Was it your perfect smile, your radiant glow, your soulful eyes? The softness of your skin or you willingness to let me touch you?

No baby. It’s how you said my name.

I wish I could’ve stayed longer, I wish I could’ve spoken to you more. But it’s so hard to concentrate when my dick is leaking precum down my leg at a rate that should probably be concerning.

The minute you closed that door I shoved those boxes into my apartment and locked the door. Took my elated ass straight to the couch and watched you in your living room, admiring your gift from me while I fucked my fist with a pair of your dirty panties in my mouth.

I couldn’t have your honeyed lips soothing my angry red cock just yet, but I sure as hell could imagine licking your gorgeous little cunt while I tasted you.

I tugged my balls and pumped my cock for over half an hour until I was a fucking mess for you in my new living room’s floor. The cool hardwood letting the heat from my flushed skin seep away from me as I came back down to earth.

I made myself dizzy. Didn’t give myself a break, didn’t slow down, just stroked my cock like the desperate little manwhore that I am for you. The only thing missing was you being there to watch me fall apart.

I think you’d like that wouldn’t you? Watching a man like me get on his knees and beg for you?

Diary Entry: July 29th

I’ve replayed that moment in my head for hours on end. The beginning always stays the same, but the ending… that’s been subject to many changes. It started off simple, we’d chat alittle longer, I’d ask you how your day was; you’d tell me it was ‘fine, thank you’.

Or you’d ask me why I decided to move in, why I chose this side of town, this side of town, this apartment building, across from you. That one always ended questionably and I’d rather not explore that one on paper.

My favorites however were the ones where you’d laugh at a stupid pick-up line and somehow we’d end up in your bed. The bed I’ve sat and watched you sleep in. Those were the best additions.

Now, I’ve been fortunate enough that you’ve been loyal, faithful and devoted to only me since the very beginning. So I don’t really have a clue what you’d actually be like in bed.

But god it’s so fun to imagine it.

You’ve got such pretty, soft skin. You let me mar it up with my teeth and soothe it with my tongue. You let me grip the pillowy flesh of your thighs to spread you open for me. You let me pinch and roll and pull your nipples until they were raw and begging for a break. You let me caress the sensitive slick covered folds between those beautiful pussy lips, plunge my fingers in as far as they’d go.

I took you from behind, watching your perky little ass bounce off my cock while I plowed into you. Your face smushed against the couch cushions and your body folded over the arm rest for me to fuck you like the good little girl that you are.

Against the wall with your arms around my neck while I’ve got my hands holding you spread open and in place by the crook of your knees. You promised you stay real still so that I could drill up into you like you deserved.

God damn. Do you know how good you look like that? Back arched against the wall, tits jiggling in my face with every thrust. Your legs pushed up and back to the sides of your torso, to pin you in place?

It was like a pretty pink flower had bloomed and spread its buttery smooth petals just for me.

Don’t even get me started on how good you suck cock. Have you ever been told you could be mistaken for a warm, wet Hoover? No? Didn’t think so cause that would be rude as hell, but I bet someone’s thought it before.

(Me. It’s me, I thought that.)

Fuck those soft lips. Fuck that smooth snake of a tongue. Fuck that tight, hot throat that just loves to take a beating from my dick.

Can’t wait to prove my imagination right.

Speaking of, my dick has been beat. Like actually. If one didn’t know any better they’d assume it’s on life support, but I’m a freak of nature. Cumming upwards of 16 times in the span of 40ish hours would probably put a weaker man in a hospital bed. Or maybe a psych ward.

But I am not a weak man even if my dick feels raw. I’d still fuck you if you asked.

I’d be curious to know if I’d be able to stave off cumming longer from all the abuse or if I’d be so fucking sensitive that I wouldn’t make it in half an inch.

Probably the latter.

Diary Entry: August 2nd

Being so close to you is killing me. Truly it is.

You’ve sunken your claws so deeply into my very soul and you don’t even realize it. It’s torture. To you, I’m just the new guy, nice dude who gave you a book. But to me? You’re my entire world.

I’ve been told I have the personality of a guard dog. Soft and squishy on the inside, dangerous and fierce on the outside. Which I suppose could be true, but really I think it’s for a different reason. For a human, a dog is one small but very impactful blip in your life. But for the dog? You are it’s life.

Am I comparing myself to a dog right now? Yes I am.

I’ll beg for you to throw me the scraps of your affections until you finally toss me a bone.

Bark.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

I’ve been trying my best to give you space. To plan accordingly and in advance. I have our next two interactions simmering on the back burner.

I know that if I go too hard, too fast, you’ll be overwhelmed. That’s the last thing I want. I never want to be the thing that causes you stress, I want to siphon it from you. So, in one week I will set out to help you with a few of your errands and plant a few seeds.

But until then, we have late night snacks and couch chats with Boogie.

I’ve also been doing- you guessed it- more research to do with helpful vitamins and medicines. You’ve responded so well to your SleepyTime tea and since I’ve started making sure your birth control packet is plainly visible in the countertop basket directly beneath that cabinet, you’ve been taking it so well.

I’m so proud of you sweetheart, that’s my girl, look at you taking care of yourself. You’ve done so well in fact, that it’s in my personal opinion that you have earned a very special reward.

Anakin sat on his couch, the live feed of your living room screen mirrored to his Tv. He was watching you cook dinner, he knew you’d be making a stir fry. He’d seen it in your planner, so he’d taken the liberty of ordering himself the same, it’d be here any minute. As would your good friend Sam.

Anakin had originally burned red hot with jealousy at the thought of you inviting a man over to your apartment, that he hadn’t vetted via social media and a quick drop-in. But he was relieved to discover that Sam was just a girl from your book club.

This wasn’t one of his well thought out plans, this was decided upon this morning after you’d returned from book club. So, he was anxious to see if his hunches served him well. Sam seemed like a punctual gal, at least from what he’d seen on social media and the text messages between the two of you from weeks/months before.

Anakin had the wonderful idea to log into your cell service providers website to pull your deleted messages from their data bank. You really should have better passwords.

The thing he was most worried about was his door dasher arriving on time. It was rare that one was too far off on arrival time, but it would be his shit luck and lack of planning that could ruin this little glimpse of you.

The minutes ticked by and he was alerted to the new motion sensors he’d placed near the LED pathway lights on the paved entrance to the apartment building. He quickly switched over to the hallway feed at the front door, seeing that it was his door dasher.

Damn you Trevor. How dare you get there before Sam.

Not to worry, he’d call for the door code and Anakin wouldn’t answer the first time. It wasn’t much but it would buy him a few seconds.

Though it seemed to be that luck was on his side as it often was when it came to you. Sam was so kind, kind enough to let the delivery guy into the building. Which is technically a security concern but Trevor didn’t seem like the type of guy who’d be able to remember a 6 digit door code.

He was too busy staring at your friends ass to pay attention to the numbers she entered anyway.

The footsteps approached your door and his, Anakin waited until he heard Sam knock on your door before he opened his. Trevor stood patiently as Anakin slowly counted out his tip in cash and thankfully you were quick to let your friend inside. After the exchange was complete Anakin gave you a smile and wave.

He could’ve had a heart attack at the response you gave him.

A flirty little finger waggle and smile.

He had to remind himself to breathe and keep his expression a happy-neutral. He’d hate for you to see his blushing cheeks this early on.

“Have a good night girls.” He said as he closed his door and to his surprise you actually answered.

“You too!”

If he weren’t confident that you were a sweet and loving soul, he’d think you were trying to kill him with the siren song of your voice.

Stir fry had never tasted so fucking good.

Diary Entry: July 8th

Grocery day baby, here I come.

I love that you’re so predictable. I love that you’re so fucking cute and always try to strong arm your groceries in one trip. I love that it takes at least two good whacks to the trunk of your shitty old Nissan to properly close it.

It’s cute to watch you struggle with it, the annoyed huffs and angry scowl.

I thought you’d combust on the spot once when your paper grocery bag of flour and sugar ripped open and sent a plume of flour up on your black jeans. The parking lot was very empty and I was very glad because I’d hate for someone to have seen the cursing contest you had with yourself as you picked up your spilled items. Very unladylike you know. But it’s you so I don’t mind, I just like to hear you talk.

It’s almost time. I’ve been sitting in my car for about 10 minutes. Gotta account for the traffic on highway 76. Do you really have to shop all the way out there just because of the Whole Foods? C’mon baby they have the same shit at Kroger.

I’ve been watching your little blue dot on my phone and you’re rounding the corner so I’ll write you later doll.

I love you.

You pulled into the parking lot and sat in your car for a moment. Giving yourself the much need quiet to decompress from your work day and the grocery trip. After you’d checked your messages and scrolled for a moment you decided it was time to head inside before your frozen foods got… not so frozen.

You popped the trunk and fumbled with the faulty latch, your fingers feeling blindly under the metal lip until it finally detached and you were able to open the trunk.

You took a deep breath and scolded yourself for buying the extra few things that could’ve waited till next time. Second trips are for wimps and you weren’t one. So you loaded up your left arm bag by bag until you heard a humored puff of air and the beep of a car locking behind you.

“Need a hand sweetheart?” Anakin grinned, shoving his keys into his front pocket.

He waltzed over and took a few bags off your hands without waiting for a response. It took you aback, not because he hadn’t waited for permission, but because of the way he exuded an odd charm that made you falter.

“Anakin, really it’s alright I can get it.” You said, eyebrows furrowed together in confusion by his kind gesture.

“Mmm no, this seems like a two man mission sweet girl.” He smiled, gathering up a few the last few bags from the trunk and shutting it with one solid push.

“You really don’t have to-“

“I know I don’t have to.” He said tilting his head toward the apartment building to encourage you to walk with him. “I want to.”

“Thank you, that’s… thanks.” You smiled, a light blush creeping across your cheeks.

“Atta girl.” He chuckled, tapping in the door code and holding it open for you despite holding many more bags than you.

Something about the low tone of voice or maybe just the way he looked at you with his icey blue eyes… just sent a chill down your spine. A quick one that was gone in an instant, replaced by a warm glow in the center of your chest.

“Guess chivalry’s not dead.” You joked.

“I’m no knight.” He laughed, “but you’re sure as hell a princess.”

‘Oh that was smooth.’ You thought, trying to ignore the heat at the bottom of your stomach.

What is happening? How on earth can one man be so… everything? Kind, caring, chivalrous and gorgeous to boot.

You felt a wave of embarrassment at the squeaky giggle you let out. He had you tore up from one little comment.

True to the gentleman he seemed to be, he chose not to push it and tease you about your beet red cheeks. He just waited patiently for you as you unlocked your door.

“Do you want me to bring these in for you?” He asked, watching your movements closely.

“Oh that would be great.” You said in relief, leading him into your kitchen.

“Cute little place.” He said, looking around the kitchenette and over to the living room.

He sat down your bags on the counter and started unloading them neatly into rows.

“Oh, you-“

“Mmm mmm.” He shook his head with a smirk, “Just let me help, it’s no big deal.”

You let out a puff of air in an amused sort of amazement and pulled out your little step stool to open up the cabinets. Anakin snickered from behind you as you stepped up and started putting things away.

You shot him a glare over your shoulder and almost said something snarky until you realized he was folding your paper grocery bags in the same way that you always do.

“Huh.” You laughed. “I thought I was the only one who did that.”

“Did what?” He asked, his head cocked to the side.

“Fold the bags.” You said, turning back around to continue placing your things where they belonged.

“Oh,” he chuckled, “I dunno it’s just a habit I guess. Fits better in that stupid slot on the recycling bin this way.”

“Yeah I never really understood why they made them that way? I guess so people don’t just shove other trash in there.” You mused.

“Mmhm probably.” He agreed, stacking them neatly and gathering it in his hands. “Do you want me to take these out back for you?”

“I can do-“ You stopped yourself when Anakin raised his eyebrow and cocked his head to the side with a crooked smirk.

You sighed and gave him a downturned smile. “Yes, I would love for you to take them out back for me.”

“Good girl.” He nodded, clicking his tongue and heading for the door. “See ya princess.”

After he shut the door you let yourself breathe alittle easier, blowing out the air in a short puff through your nose. Maybe even letting a little smile cross your lips before you finished up your task.

You’d be thinking about that low rumble of his voice later. Good girl? Shit.

PART FIVE

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Let me know if you wanna be added/removed

[marypsue]

So if you follow me (and aren't just stopping by because you saw one of my funney viralposts), you probably know that I've been writing a bunch of fanfiction for Stranger Things, which is set in rural Indiana in the early- to mid-eighties. I've been working on an AU where (among other things) Robin, a character confirmed queer in canon, gets integrated into a friend group made up of a number of main characters. And I got a comment that has been following me around in the back of my mind for a while. Amidst fairly usual talk about the show and the AU and what happens next, the commenter asked, apparently in genuine confusion, "why wouldn't Robin just come out to the rest of the group yet? They would be okay with it."

I did kind of assume, for a second or two, that this was a classic case of somebody confusing what the character knows with what the author/audience knows. But the more I think about it, the more I feel like it embodies a real generational shift in thinking that I hadn't even managed to fully comprehend until this comment threw it into sharp perspective.

Because, my knee-jerk reaction was to reply to the comment, "She hasn't come out to these people she's only sort-of known for less than a year because it's rural Indiana. In the nineteen-eighties." and let that speak for itself. Because for me and my peers, that would speak for itself. That would be an easy and obvious leap of logic. Because I grew up in a world where you assumed, until proven otherwise, that the general society and everyone around you was homophobic. That it was unsafe to be known to be queer, and to deliberately out yourself required intention and forethought and courage, because you would get negative reactions and you had to be prepared for the fallout. Not from everybody! There were always exceptions! But they were exceptions. And this wasn't something you consciously decided, it wasn't an individual choice, it wasn't an individual response to trauma, it wasn't individual. It was everybody. It was baked in, and you didn't question it because it was so inherently, demonstrably obvious. It was Just The Way The World Is. Everybody can safely be assumed to be homophobic until proven otherwise.

And what this comment really clarified for me, but I've seen in a million tiny clashing assumptions and disconnects and confusions I've run into with The Kids These Days, is that a lot of them have grown up into a world that is...the opposite. There are a lot of queer kids out there who are assuming, by default, that everybody is not homophobic, until proven otherwise. And by and large, the world is not punishing them harshly for making that assumption, the way it once would have.

The whole entire world I knew changed, somehow, very slowly and then all at once. And yes, it does make me feel like a complete space alien just arrived to Earth some days. But also, it makes me feel very hopeful. This is what we wanted for ourselves when we were young and raw and angrily shoving ourselves in everyone's faces to dare them to prove themselves the exception, and this is what I want for The Kids These Days.

(But also please, please, Kids These Days, do try to remember that it has only been this way since extremely recently, and no it is not crazy or pathetic or irrational or whatever to still want to protect yourself and be choosy about who you share important parts of yourself with.)

[sunshine-jesse]

Control: The Strange Dynamics of Andy and Leyley or

The Incest End Is Not The Fucking Bad End, Stop Coping

EDIT:

Hey guys! This post is blowing the fuck up, but this was my first essay on this game, and I think I've had many more insightful things to say since then. Here's a link to a masterpost with all of my essays, which I'd definitely suggest reading after this one:

Anyways, without further adieu...

I heard a lot about this game going in. I knew the general story beats and the funny haha incest memes. I knew it was about a toxic codependent relationship where Ashley, the sister, acted like your standard overly-controlling person who used various abuse techniques to keep someone in line. I expected Ashley to be a yandere-type character where she was borderline psychotic, irrational, and had a skewed perception of reality. I expected her to be a crazy bitch, and I love me some crazy bitches.

But then I actually played through the game. ...That is not what I got.

The game advertises Andrew as a doormat extraordinaire who is strung along by his Very Not Good sister and has no agency of his own' that he's just a henpecked abuse victim. But in practice, that doesn't seem to be the case. One of their first exchanges that in the story is when the occultist played his music and Ashley wanted them to check it out. He says 'no', sure, but then he smirks and says 'but I'll come along if you do.'

That is not the dialogue of someone who has no will of their own, that's the dialogue of someone who willingly gives up their own agency.

This is not, on its own, a sign of anything out of the ordinary. What caught my attention with it, though, is how it flew in the face of the common narrative surrounding their relationship dynamic. But that's not the first time I noticed it, it's just the first time, in retrospect, that their actual dynamic begins to show. The first time I personally noticed it is in the choking scene.

There are a lot of ways to view this situation. But my own reading? This was not a crime of passion. This was not him trying to break free. This is him doing something he's thought about for a while. This is premeditated. In this scene, Andrew is done playing along with Ashley's shit. In this scene, I firmly believe Ashley is the victim.

Ashley is the more openly abusive of the two who seeks to do whatever she can to trap Andrew so he'll never leave her. That much is clear. But Andrew-

-clearly has these same tendencies. He says this shortly after Ashley mentions putting her name up on a call girl's wall for money. There's protective brotherly instincts, and then there's this. This is not something you'd threaten a sister with, this is something that a man would threaten his wife with, which is directly brought attention to in the story.

(hey look he accepts the framing of it being WIFE beating at face value, and says Ashley is the only one who makes him like that! HMMMMMMMMMM WONDER WHAT THAT IMPLIES???)

It also implies that this is not the first time physical force has been threatened! I mean, that much is obvious, because of the choking scene that happened before, but I more mean that this implies that Andrew either threatening or utilizing physical force is an established pattern of behavior. However, the Decay route implies that she never thought Andy would kill her (but Andrew would) which can either be for or against depending on one's perspective, so I don't hold to the idea that it's an established pattern too strongly.

Okay, so. Andrew has some controlling and possessive tendencies too. So what? Their relationship is codependent. It's advertised as such. What of it?

Well first of all, it pretty much blows the lid off of the idea that Ashley is the sole perpetrator of abuse in their relationship. I've seen a lot of people view Andrew's behavior as justified retaliation against abuse, but frankly, I don't believe that him threatening to strangle Ashley for violating boundaries by trying to hold him accountable for his actions (given the strangulation part happens after she brought up Nina's death and how Andrew was ultimately responsible) is justified. And I ESPECIALLY don't believe that him threatening to backhand Ashley for her transactional attitude towards sex is justified in ANY circumstance.

EDIT: This part was edited in from the original post for the sake of readability so they don't have to see the reblogs to see the updated version! This post gained more traction than I was expecting!

…But perhaps even more telling is what she DOESN'T do.

Pushing someone's boundaries until they lash out is a pretty common tactic in abusive relationships. It's easy to see why, too: It justifies prior behavior and paints them in a negative light to others. This can be an important aspect of using DARVO (deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender) against someone, although the two ideas aren't necessarily linked.

It's pretty easy to argue that this is what Ashley does, but if you look at the one time her boundary pushing DID go too far, when Andrew lashes out with physical violence… she doesn't do that. She doesn't blame him. She doesn't paint herself as the victim. She doesn't even try to give a reason as to why she shouldn't be killed outside of the comfort she gives him. Why is this notable?

Because the mom does, in fact, engage in what could be considered DARVO against Ashley:

(i will elaborate more on this screenshot in particular below)

Ashley is directly compared to Mrs. Graves by Andrew, and yet she crucially displays none of the habits that Mrs. Graves does. Mrs. Graves lays the blame on Ashley, but Ashley doesn't lay the blame on Andrew. Mrs. Graves tends to paint herself as the victim of Ashley, but Ashley does no such thing to Andrew. The mom denies her culpability at every turn; Ashley doesn't. Ashley tries to hold Andrew accountable for his role in Nina's death, which could be considered a kind of DARVO. But she never denies that she had a role to play in it. She just mentions that he was the one who pulled the trigger. And he was.

(and the point was more that she DIDN'T engage in it when threatened with physical violence; the perfect chance to)

In Mrs. Graves' mind, she is the victim of either Ashley, or society as a whole. In Ashley's mind, she knows what she is, what she does, and what she's about. The only thing she's oblivious to- or doesn't acknowledge, at least- is the threat Andrew poses to her. In her mind, she's the bad guy. In Andrew's mind, Ashley is the bad guy. In official art, she is the bad guy:

And yet, in the game itself, Andrew is the one holding the cleaver. Not her. Hm.

Ashley is the world's most convenient scapegoat. She allows people to mask their own worst habits and pretend they're better people than they are. She accepts this role. She embraces it. She doesn't try to deny it. But when that mask slips, people lash out at her. Both Mrs. Graves and Andy (NOT Andrew, crucially) predicate much of their self-perception on being what she's not.

But they're the ones who enabled her to become like this, every step of the way.

And that's what blew my fucking mind, and made me question just who the victim really is. She was never given a chance to be normal, because other people relied on her NOT being normal.

By the end of my second playthrough, I felt worse for Ashley than I did for Andrew, and I still do.

So. What am I getting at? What does this show me about the relationship between Ashley and Andrew?

(I also wanted to point out that Andrew does engage in DARVO too but I didn't want to distract from the behavior of the mother. Unlike what Andrew does, it doesn't require someone to reassess the narrative they have towards the game in order to realize the implications of it, whereas it's pretty easy to justify Andrew's words as not qualifying as DARVO if you buy into the narrative that he's the sole victim and/or that Ashley is the main perpetrator of abuse. A friend of mine pointed out that it's a pretty key part of the push/pull dynamic they have, and I completely agree.

However, the direct comparisons to the behavior of the mother can't be ignored no matter your narrative, so I felt as if I needed to highlight that more.)

EDIT OVER

It shows me that their relationship is all about control.

Specifically, the push and pull of who controls who in any given situation.

Andrew weaponizes his incompetence. He always looks to lay the blame on Ashley. This is drawn attention to several times, and said explicitly in the Decay route.

He is always surrendering control to her, and yet he never HAS to. He could always just say no. He could always refuse. What are the consequences? Her being upset? Well, unfortunately, it's not that easy. That's not how abuse dynamics work. He probably feels like he has to, or rather, feels like there's no other option. That he's in too deep, and stuck with her no matter what. But personally, I think it's pretty clear from his willingness to surrender control to Ashley that he still feels like he has it at points, because the moment he feels like he's about to lose it, he either considers violence, even as a child-

(the actual scene of slicing her finger is pretty sus too with this reading in mind)

-or resorts to it, outright, in both the choking scene and the vision in the Decay ending... when Ashley doesn't have enough bullets to defend herself (this will be important later!).

SO WHAT POINT AM I TRYING TO MAKE??? AM I JUST MAKING ABUSE APOLOGIA (the answer may surprise you)?

No. I don't think so.

Ashley is obviously very bad. She's controlling and uses pretty textbook abuse and entrapment tactics on Andrew whereas everything he does to her is inference, with Ashley too daft to realize just how much danger she's in until the vision in the Decay ending spells it out for her- and I don't know if a true abuse dynamic allows for one to be completely unaware of the consequences of breaking free. She could just let go of her desire for control and Andrew would be a much happier person.

And that's the point, because so would she.

I bring up control because that push and pull- that desire for control over each other- is exactly what's tearing their relationship apart, and this effect most obviously manifests in the two endings of episode 2. In the Decay ending, Ashley either tries to exert control over Andrew due to a lack of trust, or Andrew allows his feelings of entrapment to truly take root in his mind and guide his actions. In the Decay ending, Andrew becomes a true doormat with no will of his own, allowing his feelings of bitterness and resentment to fester and grow, eventually resulting in their deaths.

In the Burial ending, Andrew does the exact opposite. He takes control of the situation and does exactly what Ashley would do without much of a fuss. This eventually culminates in THAT scene (assuming you take the Questionable route), where his facial expression alone speaks volumes:

Look at how fucking confident this man is. This is not the face of someone who's unsure of himself; this is the face of someone who knows exactly what he wants and takes it. He is absolutely in control of this situation, and everyone is happier for it.

And what does Ashley have to do to get this ending?

Let's go back to Decay for a moment. If Ashley has bullets in her gun, she has control over the situation. She, at any point, could put an end to Andrew and survive. And yet, at the very end of it all, she could choose not to. She could choose to surrender control to Andrew, allowing herself to die. And that ending, I believe so much of his life and willpower will have decayed that there's nothing left for him to take control of, leaving him no choice- or rather, no use for the control he now has- but to die with her.

And in the Burial ending, she has to let him out of his cage before it's too late. She has to surrender control to him, and when she does-

-He will become everything she ever needed him to be.

It's all about her surrendering control, and it's all about him taking control. Because, no matter what, as long as that happens... the two of them will be together forever.

In life...

...or in death.

How romantic.

So no, the incest end is not the fucking bad end. They're going to be together forever in the end either way, so they might as well live through it.

[beesspacedotorg]

Romance is Doomed (Lie)

Summary: your parents tumultuous relationship has given you very little hope and expectations for your own. your boyfriend, Seungmin, seems determined to change that ... at least until he forgets an important romantic holiday. 4.2k

Warnings: angst. fluff. Kim Seungmin. porn. insecure reader. edging. no body type or pronouns mentioned. bad (?) parents. I wrote this based on a very sad conversation my parents had, so reader has mommy and daddy issues (double whammy). reader is insecure and at one point starts waxing poetic about being unlovable (????) but Seungmin calls them out on it so dw. This is my first time writing Seungmin so ... he might be a little ooc.

note: I don't really have an explanation for this. my parents made me sad so I wrote a fanfiction about Kim Seungmin to make me feel better. This is incredibly self indulgent, so if you don't like it that's okay. this is literally in my google docs as "This is for me and if you don't like it, sucks" so.

You know that it’s his job, so you can never get mad at him for it, not really. That would be irrational, and crazy, and you are neither of those things- or, not enough of those things to kick up a fuss. Still, when you hear him say it something in your chest pangs and you are left with a weird, hollow emptiness that you have no name for.

“Who’s your valentine?” Everyone is asking him, he’s an idol, it’s his job.

“Stay!” He smiles cutely and it squints his eyes slightly as he does. You can see his perfectly white and perfectly aligned teeth on your phone and you pause the video to switch to a different app instead, but your feed is perfectly curated to show you videos and pictures of your boy and his group, so all you see is him and that damned clip from that damned video.

You’re launched back to a conversation you’d had with your parents. It was in jest, you weren’t serious, but the tone of the day shifted drastically after you’d asked it.

“Mom, who’s your Valentine?” You were drinking the soda you’d just refilled and wincing slightly at the carbonation as you walked towards the car.

“No one, your Dad hasn’t asked me yet.”

“Dad, are you and Mom each other's Valentines?” He’s opening the door as you ask.

“No.” You can see your mom’s face fall, and for the rest of the day there’s a kind of gray cloud hanging over your parents. That moment sticks with you, and every year you think about it.

You and Seungmin are different though, you’re absolutely positive that he loves you. You’re absolutely positive that he cares about you and wants you around, you’re absolutely positive that if he wanted to get rid of you, he would. But he hasn’t, so you trust that he wants you around. But, this is his job. This is his job and you knew what you were getting into when the two of you started dating, so you can’t be mad at him, you won’t be mad at him.

-

“How are things at home?” You’re on the phone with your mother, you call her once a week. No matter what she’s put you through, she’s still your mother and you still love her, so you call.

“Oh, the usual. Your Dad is being. You know.” She sounds sad as she says it, and the worst part is that you do know. Crotchety and mean and in pain and cruel. So, you do know, and you feel bad for your mom when she says it. She is his wife, and he cannot spare her a drop of kindness.

The call ends, as it always does, with one of you saying something cutting and the other hanging up without responding to the “I love you” at the other end of the line. You look at your calendar. Valentine’s Day is tomorrow and he still hasn’t asked you. Your mom says he might just assume that you two are each other’s Valentine’s because you’re together, you say that it would still be nice if he asked. Your mom tells you not to hold your breath. You tell her that you aren’t planning on it.

-

It took the two of you a while to get together, longer than it should have, probably. But, as in all things, you are naturally distrustful of the intentions of strangers, or strangers-turned-friends-turned-? so you avoided the topic any time he would try and hint at it.

“I have two tickets to the Giants game tonight!”

“Sick! Those are hard to come by, Seungminnie! I hope you and Jeongin have fun.”

“Well, actually-”

“Hey! Did I ever tell you about this thing I saw the other day?”

When you did finally stop avoiding it, he asked you why, and you told him it was stupid, and he said nothing can be stupider than the time he and Felix managed to over whip the eggs for their souffle pancakes, truly a feat considering the fact that the eggs they were using were cold.

“I like you a lot,” you’d said. “I like you a lot and it feels like the love I have for you is replacing the air that I breathe, and I know, one day, you’ll get tired of me and my sadness and my everything, and I’d rather not have to spend years of my life filling in the hole that you’ll leave with foam that’ll collapse come morning.”

He’d paused for a moment, and you’d looked at the ground.

“I don’t want you to get tired of me and leave. I don’t want to be afraid you’ll leave so I do it first and regret it days later. I don’t want you to get tired of me and stay only to make jabs at me until I am nothing but a pasta strainer masquerading as a person.”

He’d frowned at you.

“Do you really think that little of me?”

“What?”

“Do you think that I would walk away like that? That I wouldn’t put in effort to stay, or to make you stay? That I would hate you so much that I would share a bed with you and hurt you at the same time?”

“No, but-”

“Listen,” he grabs your hands, “I’m not entirely sure why you think the way that you do about these things, and I won’t promise that I won’t hurt you- I’m not that stupid. But I promise that I’ll try not to, that I’ll make it up to you if I do. But you have to promise me something too, okay?”

“What’s the promise?”

“Don’t think of me that way. I’m mean, sure, but I’m not evil.”

“It’s not that I think you’re evil-”

“But I’m the one doing those things to you, right? In your head, it’s me? Whether you deserve it or not, I’m the one doing it.”

“... I see your point.”

“Good, I was running out of emotionally intelligent things to say. If you hadn’t been worn down we would’ve had to rain check this conversation for another day.” You laugh at him and he holds your hand.

“Your whole speech was really poetic, by the way, how long have you been sitting on that?”

“How long have I been alive?” He laughs, because he was supposed to, but he places a kiss on your temple too. And there’s a moment where you think that romance isn’t doomed, and, maybe, neither are you.

-

The first time you and Seungmin have sex, you spend the whole time worrying if he secretly finds you gross and disgusting. Well, you try to, but at that point, he’s gotten pretty good at telling when you’re writing heavy prose in your head and he then does his absolute best at making you lose your mind with pleasure. He succeeds.

“What were you thinking about?” Is what he says while he’s testing the shower water to make sure it’s hot enough to keep you warm. You’d tried to find a happy middle once, while you were showering together (In the dark, because “your eyes hurt”. You just weren’t ready for him to see you naked.) and goosebumps had broken out across your skin almost immediately, you’d shivered so hard it sent your teeth chattering, and your lips had started turning blue. When the two of you got out and Seungmin noticed, he’d said that you two would just shower together at temperatures comparable to the lakes of hell and he’d get over himself.

You shake your head at him. He won’t like your answer. He asks you this often, when you shrink in on yourself, and when you tell him, he always looks a little sad. But you don’t like to lie, and it’s bad manners to keep things a secret from your partner, so you tell him.

“I was worried you thought I was like, I dunno. Ugly, or something.” He deadpans at you. You worry that he’s mad. He huffs and drags a hand down his face.

“I’ve never come so hard in my life and you think that I’m not attracted to you? I came so hard I nearly blacked out, came so hard I think I told you that I loved you and you think that I think you’re ugly.” You feel slightly chided. He grabs your hand and gently guides you into the shower.

“Just because you feel that way about yourself doesn’t mean that I do.” He’s looking into your eyes as he says it, tucking your hair out of the way because it doesn’t need to be washed yet while he reaches behind you to grab the body wash. You gape at him like a fish.

“Close your mouth,” he nudges your jaw shut gently, “you don’t want to catch flies.”

You have something new to think about.

-

241302 11:37 am

Seungminnie?

eunming

no

seunmind

no!

having trouble yoebo?

ah shit

haha! yoebo

-_-

what did you even want

I love uou

yoo

yo

Jesus Christ

YOU

cringe

:( 

-

Your boy isn’t one for romance and displays of affection, you know that. But you’ve had such an awful and weird day that you can’t brush off what he says like you normally would. It’s not even noon and yet everything that could throw you off the wheel emotionally has. Like they all took turns, throwing you off, dragging you back in, and repeating it until you were a nice, buttery consistency.

He’s busy though, work and schedules and being an idol, so you reply with your usual sad face and nothing else and take a nap. Naps always fix things.

-

241302 11:45am

jagi?

is everything okay?

have fun doing whatever it is then

i enjoy being around you most of the time!

-

241302 1:27pm

hannie showed me this video

well

he didn’t show me per se

he showed linohyung and i was being nosy

but anyways

it was this cat that was very small

has an outrageous win/loss ratio for hunts

i think you would like it!

it’s called a

sorry i had to ask hannie its name again

the black footed cat he says

-

241302 4:15pm

hihi

you havent texted all day

are you gaming again kkkk

i was going to come over but i dont want to interrupt

should i just stay and game with yongbokkie???

maybe if we play genshin i’ll see you

we can finally co-op!

-

241302 5:27 pm

ahh

youre not on genshin :(

are you playing something else

jagi?

hmmm

make sure you eat and use the bathroom kkkkk

you always forget when you get sucked in

-

You’re jolted awake by a very loud and rough knock on your front door. Also by the sound of your phone ringing incessantly. You answer the phone first.

“Hello?” Your voice is slightly panicked, no one ever calls you save for when it’s an emergency, so you’re half expecting someone to be dying or dead when you pick up. You’re halfway out of bed and scanning your floor for a pair of pants when the banging on your door stops and you register the voice on the other end of the phone.

“Did you change your lock?”

“Did I- Seungmin, what?”

“My key doesn’t work anymore.” He sounds like he’s pouting.

“The building changed it recently. Something about security measures or whatever.”

“Ah. Come open the door.” You’re opening the door as he says it, rubbing your eyes and blinking at him.

“Were you asleep?” He’s toeing his shoes off. He has something behind his back.

“Yeah.”

“Explains why you didn’t answer your texts, then. I got worried.” He kisses the side of your face.

“Seungmin, what on earth is in your hands right now?” He looks down.

“Keys and my phone.” You stare at him.

“The other one, genius.”

“Yes, I like to think I am. Thank you.” You keep staring. He sighs. He hands you a thing of your favorite candy with a note that says “more to follow” attached.

“It’s come to my attention-”

“Was it Chan? Or Changbin, this time?” He glares slightly.

“It’s come to my attention, and I realized this all on my own with no outside help-”

“Sure.”

“With some outside help-”

“Better.”

“That tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, and some people enjoy being asked by their partners if they will participate.”

“Is this you asking?”

“I’m getting there!” He takes your hands the best he can while you’re still holding the candy and the note and looks at you again.

“I am sorry I didn’t ask sooner. I will ask sooner next year and the year after that and the year after that and so on and so forth. But!” He gets down on one knee. You kick him slightly with your foot.

“Unless you’re proposing, you better stand back up.” He stands back up.

“Will you be my Valentine?” You can feel your eyes water.

“If I have to.” You roll your eyes for show. Seungmin stands still for a moment.

“Is that how I sound to you?”

“Sometimes.” He raises an eyebrow. “Most of the time.”

“I am hilarious.” You roll your still-wet eyes as you open the candy.

“That’s not the whole gift.”

“I gathered, there’s a note that says so right here.” He huffs at you, giving you that deadpan stare again. He told you once that you’re one of the few people he’s met who can give and take his sarcasm in equal measures, you told him that was the nicest thing he’s ever said to you, he hit you with a pillow.

He doesn’t answer, instead he pulls you closer by the back of your neck and kisses you. Kissing Seungmin is always an experience, it always makes your head slightly fuzzy and makes your heart stutter in your chest. You think that if it was possible to die by kissing, you would’ve done it the first time you and Seungmin made out. As it stands, you just feel a little unsteady on your feet.

Seungmin pulls away and you catch yourself staring at his mouth, wet and pink and swollen just enough that it reminds you of when he had braces and his mouth was always slightly pushed out. He grabs your hand and leads you to your bedroom, placing his gifts for you somewhere on your dresser before he nudges you onto the bed.

“You’re so pretty, you know that?” His hands are winding around your waist, pushing your shirt out of the way, and he’s kissing you again.

“You’ve told me before,” you say it against his mouth, hands coming to tangle in his soft, fluffy, recently dyed hair and you can feel the sigh he emits from where your chests are pressed together.

“Can I compliment you just once?” You smile, cheeky.

“No. Never.” He grumbles something about you being impossible as he tugs your shirt off, leaning down to mouth at your chest. You tug his hair lightly and he shoots a glare up at you.

“What.”

“It’s not fair that I’m not wearing a shirt and you are.”

“‘It’s not fair that-’ Be patient.”

“I thought this was a Valentine’s day gift.”

“It’s about to turn into a Valentine’s day ungift if you don’t stop.”

“What the fuck is an ungift?” He shoves his hand down your pants to shut you up.

“You always have to be so difficult,” you interrupt his sentence with a choked off moan. “Can’t ever just be good for me, can you? Always have to fight me every step of the way.” You shake your head at him, denying it.

“Don’t lie, you’re doing it right now. You’re lucky today is a holiday, or I really would turn this into whatever the opposite of a gift is.”

The tone shift would’ve given you whiplash if you had enough mental facilities left to think, or if this wasn’t so on par with what you expect from him. Seungmin likes to keep you on your toes, sometimes letting you push without any retaliation, sometimes letting you get away with nothing at all. It seems he’s more merciful today, and you pull him close for a “thank you” peck that soon turns into something more.

“Seungmin, please-”

“Desperate. You’re always so desperate.”

“You’re being mean.”

“Am I?” The hand that’s touching you slows down and you whine at him. “Am I being mean to you?” He tilts his head to the side, falsely curious and fully condescending. He adds a fake pout for good measure.

“I’m sorry. I’m supposed to be apologizing after all. I should be nicer to you, shouldn’t I?” He’s cooing slightly at you, and you know he’s not being genuine, but you really just want him to go back to touching you like he was earlier, so you pout back and nod. He gives you a kiss on your downturned mouth and picks his pace back up.

Soon enough, you’re forgetting that he was ever being devious in the first place and then you’re spilling on his fingers. You’re brutally reminded when he keeps going, when he pins down your hands as they try to push him away, when he bullies his stupidly slender hips between your thighs so you can’t close them. It feels like your nerves are on fire, but at the same time you want more. You’re cumming again and tears spring to your eyes at the confusing sensation of too much and not enough and you can vaguely hear Seungmin mumbling empty platitudes at you through the sharp ringing in your ears.

There’s a brief pause where he shoves your bottoms and underwear off, mad about them being in his way, and then the confusing feeling is back again as his hand returns.

“Seungminnie, Seungmin, I can’t, I can’t.” You’re thrashing around hard enough that you’ve accidentally kicked the comforter off the bed.

“You can. I know you can. Just this last one, okay, baby? And then you can have whatever you want.” You know he would stop if you wanted him to, but you don’t really want him to. You want him to make you come a third time on his fingers and then you want to do it on his cock. His stupidly perfect cock.

Sometimes, when you’re busy waxing poetic about love and Seungmin and life, you think about how the two of you were most certainly made for each other. How Seungmin was made to fit you in all the ways that you were made to fit him and that whatever force brought you together made his cock with you in mind. The way it fits inside you and gives you that almost-too-full feeling without ever being too much always makes your head spin and you clench involuntarily at the thought of it even now. It doesn’t escape Seungmin’s notice, because of course it doesn’t, and he laughs a little at you.

He stops laughing when you come on his hand again, and eases you through it until you're twitching away from him and whining and then he’s kissing the space between your eyebrows and shucking off his own clothes.

You spend a minute just staring at him. He’s beautiful. You think he’s the most handsome and perfect man in the world and he has the audacity to walk around saying that he’s just “decent.” It’s moments like these where you finally understand what he gets all pissy about when you say you don’t like the way you look.

You’re drawn back into reality when you see him wrap one of his beautifully huge hands around his dick and you whine at him.

“What now?” The words are meant to be sharp but he’s too out of breath when he says them, so you brush it off.

“You said I could have whatever I wanted and I want your cock!” You sound petulant, even to yourself. “You can’t- Seungmin!” He huffs and drops his hand from himself and you can see his muscles tense with how hard he’s trying to give you what you want.

“Needy and desperate. You came three times and I can’t even come once before you’re begging for more.” He’s sliding into you as he says it, wincing as you tighten in sensitivity and stilling with the effort of not coming too soon. You nod at him anyways, finally agreeing to the things he’s saying. If he asked you to jump out of an airplane with no parachute right now, you’d probably say yes, as long as he would finally start fucking you.

“Mhm. Want you- want you all the time. Need you all the time.”

“Yeah? All the time?” His hips are sloppy and uncoordinated as he fucks into you, but you wouldn’t be able to handle much anyway with how sensitive you are, so you’re grateful that Seungmin has lost his composure.

“All the time.”

“Guess that makes you a slut then, hmm?” You huff, gathering as much of your shot coordination as you can to weakly hit him in the chest.

“No. Only want- I only want you.” He coos, softening.

“Yeah? Only me?” You nod. “Does that make you my slut then?” You shake your head. “No? What are you then, hmm?” You’re not sure, but you know that you love him, and the force of your love for him shakes every atom in your body if you think about it too long.

“I love you.” It’s all you can say, so it’s all that comes out of your mouth and Seungmin kisses your face because he can’t aim for a specific spot with how the two of you are moving and you know that he understands you because he always does.

“I love you, too. Love you so much. I’ll keep saying it until you believe me.” You let out a slight sob against his mouth and he shushes you.

“Pretty, you’re so pretty, baby. I love you so much.” He’s muttering it against your skin, hips meeting yours over and over until you’re tightening around him with an orgasm that’s almost too much to handle and he’s spilling into you too.

There’s a moment where the two of you just sit there, panting and breathing each other’s air, stuck together with sweat and cum and Seungmin’s dick that’s still inside of you and then your lip is wobbling and tears are spilling hot and fresh down the sides of your face.

“Woah, woah what’s wrong? My dick game isn’t that bad, is it?” You shake your head at him and tug him down for a hug. He lets out a noise as he’s flattened against you and his face is smushed against the bed. He has to move his head to the side to avoid suffocating, so his breath is hitting the inside of your ear and you move your head away because it’s very uncomfortable. He wraps his arms around you the best that he can from your position and when his dick slips out, you whine.

“Listen, I would totally love to still be inside you right now, but I think my dick might fall off, so just gimme a minute, yeah? Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I thought you forgot.”

“Forgot- oh. About Valentine’s? I might’ve forgotten to ask you to be my Valentine, but I didn’t forget about the holiday. I was actually strong-arming Channie hyung into letting me skip out on our schedules tomorrow. I was- I am, gonna spend the day with you.” His voice is low because of how close he is to your ear, but yours isn’t when what he says makes you cry harder.

“Everyone always forgets.”

“Not me. Not me, baby. I have to live up to my title of most dedicated boyfriend, I can’t just forget about holidays.”

“Who even,” your breath catches because of your tears as you start to calm down, “who even gave you that title?”

“It’s not important.”

“Seungmin.”

“... it was Hannie.” You let out another cry, but you’ve calmed down enough that this one is for show.

“I can’t believe,” your breath hitches again, “I can’t believe you’re gonna leave me for Han Jisung, ace of Stray Kids.”

“Yeah,” he turns his face flat. “I am, unfortunately. Sorry to break it to you.”

“That’s okay,” you turn your tear-stained face to look at him, smirk stretching across your mouth, “I’ll just go and date Stray Kids’ best vocalist. Bang Christopher Chan.” 

“Yah! You said you stopped having a crush on him!”

“And you said you wouldn’t leave me for one of your members!” He huffs and hides a smile in your shoulder as he moves to the side of you to hug you better.

“I love you. I really do,” he says. He’s moved your head to the side so you’re looking into his pretty brown eyes as he says it.

“I love you, too.” You do, you really do. You hope he can feel it from where he’s touching your skin. You hope he can feel it even when he’s nowhere near you. He smiles at you, and you think that he can. You think that he knows how much you love him and he loves you with the same sort of ferocity. You look at him and you think that romance isn’t doomed, and neither are you.

[thatbitchery]

Unlearn the dumb idea that inflicted pain justifies your reaction to it. It doesn't. Ladies elite women make it because we have a level of stoicism that borders on sociopathic apathy, exhibit A: we don't react to triggers we mimosa, sleep, see if it's worth it then logically make decisions. The idea that when someone does you dirty you have the right to react based on emotions so you're angry mad throwing names & hands sending texts talking sheet & other loser girl things is dumb dumb. You're not justified to react. 'They did me wrong' . So? Sit down, watch Netflix, wait for the emotions to pass then use the head God so generously gave you + that pretty face bonus.

When you react to people doing you wrong you give them the permission to bypass their actions & focus on your reaction so if your bf cheats on you & you start screaming sending 1b texts making titktoks he can bypass his cheating & focus on you're immature you're abusive why did you hit me you're mentally unstable you throw things around bla bla & will never face what he did. When we say be non reactive we aren't asking you to be a stone we are asking you to be smart. Do you want to get manipulated? Abused? Sit down get a manicure & go for brunch. Run to your room scream cry anhiliate your pillow but when they're watching its Elsa Lite, froooozen ice queen don't let them in don't let them see, ever.

One tactic m3n use in divorce court is to get the lady so triggered she loses her cool then it's look at her could you live with that? I'm taking my child this is an abusive woman & men don't leave relationships they just trigger you into irrational behavior and use that as an excuse & crying is worse what did we say about public vulnerability? Go cry to your bestie and God in your house out here tears are a sign to bully you. When you're not reactive you throw THEM out of balance and you hold the cards, once you go 'right to my opinion I'm the victim' we'll find you a grave bc that's called social suicideeee.

Two friends. Real life story here, ladies. Ah high-school back in the good old days.

We call them Allie and Sara. High school circles were tight so you're friends with someone you're also friends with their bfs, right? Alice & Sara both got cheated on (by m3n looking like area 9 failed experiment Shrek cosplayers but that's not thepoint). The bfs know that they were discovered. Allie, Allie is that girl. Drama girl. Find him in cafeteria & make a scene girl. How could you cheat on me you suck your pp is short anyway bla bla watch me devalue myself. Allie feels good in the moment, her bf leaves and tell his friends of course i cheated that girl is crazy. Would you date someone like her? So immature. Women are so ovarical I can't handle it. Evening the story is- she was abusive. She hit him & threw words in public imagine in private? He's been protecting her in silence, you know women can be abusive too.

Sara, Sara my love. Sara sits next to her Shrek Lite boy and says hey so that girl you kissed, Jane was it? She's pretty. You have taste. End of story. After lunch her Human experiment failure boy says let's talk she says sure abd listens with 'mhm' and nods. She meant nothing babe she seduced me I'm an adolescent what can I do bla bla. She nods says okay and goes to class. Days goes as usual. Evening we get dinner , Weekend we do research for our papers & talk college. Is she talking to him? Yes. Painfully polite, painfully. No emojis no nothing just shallow dry polite texts. Let's talk about this babe- is left on blue ticks. Monday morning her factory reject lookalike is losing his mind, she's being painfully polite, in a shallow way, so he resorts to triggering. It's because you're like this you are like a man and I'm straight I need a woman bla bla. She says OK then turns to the next person & did you hear about the trip to the beach? Of course I'm going. Boy realizes that's not working & resorts to Allie behavior- throw a tantrum in public make yourself the victim why won't you give me the pleasure of being the one to push you to your edge? Sara says babe pull yourself together you're embarrassing your family. Do you need your anxiety meds? My therapist is good she can treat hysteria are you okay? No this isn't like you, this is hysteria babe do you need psychological help? No this isn't normal , hey do you guys think it's normal to do this? I'm calling your mom babe we are getting you a mental check hold up-

Heres a little secret. In private? In our dorms? Sara was BAWLING her eyes out. Chocolates & Styrofoam cups. We are talking 3am on the bathroom floor. In public?

Guess who won.

Unlearn the idea that you're entitled to reacting to others actions to you, you're not. Learn to hold your tongue and tears and smile and Elsa don't let then in don't let them see then call mom and spend the rest of the week in her arms crying. The amount of women I've seen triggered out of their jobs, marriages, houses, parenting &c when they were 10000% the victim from lack of emotional intelligence is unforgivable.

Dont, be dumb. Don't let yourself think you have the freedom of expression, you don't. Not in the way you want to. Go write a poem but remember everything you say can and will, in fact, be used against you.

Non reaction is the highest level of power in existence. Mind over body. Logic over emotion.

[punksocks]

Astrology Observations: No.29

*only based on my observations, only take what resonates

(Oml I didn’t realize that I haven’t written out a proper observations post since May?? I’m so sorry y’all life has been crazy b u s y and the world has been on fire due to colonialism, but I’m going to write more again 🙃 I love astrology but existence is wild y’all)

-I had a client say Geminis always get Gemini tattoos.. while getting a Gemini tattoo lol (and they were right!!) (Leo suns are second most likely imo)

-mutable venuses like changes in fashion a lot, they tend to go through fashion phases



-Every Pisces sun I’ve met has said they don’t really like being a Pisces at least once. Which is so interesting because Pisces sun isn’t a placement in determent, Libra is ! And I think 9 times out of 10 Libras will say they love being Libras (or it’s a huge part of their personality fr)

-My favorite thing I’ve heard from a Libra sun I knew was that they hated doing all of the things that made them appear socially functional so I said “why do you do it? why not just stop doing what you hate?” and they just looked blank like they couldn’t even imagine not conforming (even though they were an aqua moon)

-Ok so I’ve been wondering why I’ve had repetitive instances of some people being passive aggressive and w e i r d at my main job when I literally own the business and I’m their boss?? But it’s that Lilith in 10th. No one is neutral about your energy and you can rub folks the wrong way just by minding your business. I don’t like it but especially at work bc I’m a Capricorn and this isn’t productive >:/ lol

-Oh another Lilith touching Asc observation is when people start a conversation with me like 60-75% of the time they try to challenge me or ask lowkey rude questions (sneak diss shit lol) like 3 different people asked me what tattoo I regret the most and I was like ??? Hello? Who are you? Lol these streets oml…

-cancer placements can be really centered on defending their self, their perspective, their family, their community (they don’t have to be but it can be a common trait). I just noticed the pattern after ages of wondering why cancer was associated with nationalism on a wide scale. (Pluto in Cancer generation and the rise in nationalism after ww2 for example)

-I feel like Sagittarius placements (especially the big 3) will always be ready to do something new and life changing at any age (moving abroad, going on vacation and exploring new places, getting their first tattoo, anything that seems like it’ll open the door to a set of new experiences)

-Strong mars and mercury energy can make someone brutal in arguments (air mars, Virgo and Gemini mars, even Kendrick is an example he destroyed Drake- and Kendrick has mars conjunct Mercury and a Gemini sun)

-Sag Venus culture is being clingy because you need a lot of attention/stimulation and suddenly ditching when you don’t get enough attention/stimulation to keep your interest 🥴 (even more with sag mars since they’re action oriented, they’re in the same camp imo lol)

-I blame America’s Aquarius moon for the cultural phobia of being too “irrational” or “emotionally expressive” ….while being known as being too passionate and irrational in many non US cultures (also the US and the emotional detachment for the sake of “progress”, dark side of this placement but thematic nonetheless)

-imo when sun’s transiting your Lilith you can feel like a lot of attention is on you, sometimes good but often pretty scrutinizing. I also feel like you can achieve some impossible things during this transit due to Lilith’s energy (she’s built for rebellion, so when a lot of criticism is pointed her way she finds an unconventional way to come out on top)

-I have so much writing to do but if there are specific placements you want me to do observations on, let me know in the comments and my inbox!

[creativepromptsforwriting]

Exes to Lovers Masterpost

Dialogue Prompts

"I'm sorry for how it ended." "I'm sorry that it ended at all."

"Do you still have place for me in your life?"

"Three years was not enough to get over you."

"We'll always find our ways back to each other."

"I couldn't stop loving you, even if I tried. And I did try for some time. But it didn't work."

"Seeing you again brought everything back."

"It was a mistake to just go away. We should've fought more for what we wanted." "We are doing it now."

"Being back in your arms is everything I wished for since we broke up."

"I can't believe you would actually take me back."

"Do you have any idea how much I wished to take it back? To just go to your house and apologize?" "I would have waited for you. I did wait for you. Even if it took some time, you are here now."

"I shouldn't have ever let you go away. I need you by my side."

"The fight we had was so stupid and breaking up was irrational."

"We work much better as a team."

"I don't ever want to lose you again."

"It was the right thing at the time. We weren't ready for it." "Do you think we are now?" "Yes, absolutely."

"People called me crazy for letting you get away. And they were right."

"I will never let you go again."

"We were both so hurt that we didn't see how much the other one was hurting. I hope that we're now able to look past that and be able to heal together."

"Honestly? I never stopped loving you."

"Let's never break up again. Ok?"

Text Prompts

Having broken up, but still living in the same area they keep running into each other. At the park, the grocery store, the laundromat, … everywhere.

They are still in the same friend group and they want to make it work as friends. But hanging out all the time makes it hard to get over each other.

Person A moves to another apartment and finds some of Person B’s, their exes’ stuff while moving and the former lovers meet up for the first time since the break-up to exchange the goods.

While not having adopted it together, Person A’s pet becomes miserable after Person B stops being over, so finally they have to arrange for a meeting in a park, like two divorced parents.

They are still each other's emergency contact. Which becomes apparent when one of them ends up in the hospital.

Having their car breaking down by the side of the road is bad enough. Their ex being the one to come save them is even worse.

They had already booked everything for their friends' destination wedding before they broke up. To celebrate them and not lose their deposits they decide to still share the hotel room.

Person A’s family still invites Person B to all of their family events. And Person B actually goes.

They bought tickets for their favourite band’s concert one year in advance. It’s been a few months since their break-up and they believe the emotions have calmed down a bit, so they decide to still go together when the time comes. But maybe they don’t have calmed down that much, when their song comes on.

They know each other best. Even after their break-up their ex is still the first person they want to call when something good or bad happens.

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[puck-luck]

frat fever | cole caufield

warnings: use of Y/N, situationship, deffo gaslighting from the frat boy (realism), fingering, hickeys, PROTECTED p in v (first time ever on this account fr), mentions of STDs and cheating (but is it technically cheating?) pairing: frat boy!cole caufield x fem!reader summary: frat cole frat cole frat cole!! dear cole caufield, please give me a chance, i wish i had met you at the pike house like y/n did wc: 3189

You had kept yourself together pretty well, all things considered. You were used to Cole leaving you on delivered, only replying to keep up your snap streak. During the weekend, things were different– Cole would reach out first, always late at night and always searching for one thing. You weren’t delusional. You know the terms of your relationship.

You tell Cole about your day, and Cole only cares about you on the weekend, when he strikes out at the Pike tailgate ahead of the football game and doesn’t manage to find a girl at the bar after the game is over. 

It’s the perfect situationship. You’re annoyed, but not mad enough to break things off. Cole makes up for his typical frat behavior by folding your laundry when he comes over and falling asleep wrapped around you, but never complaining when you wake him up and kick him out. It works. 

So you can’t really explain why you’re marching over to the Pike house now, phone in your hand, frown on your face. On your phone lies the proof that your relationship isn’t as exclusive as Cole pledged it was last weekend– a picture of him dancing up on a girl, light-up cowboy hat on his head. In fact, he had told you that he couldn’t go out last weekend because he had some family thing, and you had believed him. 

Now, it was clear that he lied: both about going home for the weekend, and about only wanting to fuck you.

You rap on the door of the frat house and it swings open. One of the boys from Cole’s pledge class opens the door, surprise written all over his face. 

“Y/N?” Jack asks. “What are you doing here?”

“Where’s Cole?” You demand, pushing past him. You’re now in the foyer of the house, surprisingly clean and quiet for a Monday morning.

“He’s in his room, geez,” Jack replies, sounding annoyed. “You don’t have to come in here all mad.”

You don’t reply, just turning on your heel and marching down the hall. You’ve been to Cole’s room plenty of times. You’ve pestered him for bathroom privileges at parties, always ending up sneaking away with him to have a quickie when he relents. 

You walk through Cole’s bedroom door without knocking, seething a little bit.

“Y/N,” Cole greets, jumping in surprise. “What the fuck?”

“You said you weren’t fucking anyone else,” You accuse, tossing your phone at his chest. “What the fuck is that, then, huh?”

Cole scrambles, holding your phone up so he can take in the picture. He pales a little bit, but catches himself and brushes it off. “We were just dancing.”

“Just dancing,” you repeat, laughing sarcastically. “So why did you tell me you were going out of town this past weekend? To see family? I’d hate if you were dancing on family like that, you lying shit.”

“Whoa,” Cole laughs. “Dude, you’re freaking out. My plans changed. I didn’t realize I had to clear them with you, Mother.”

You nearly growl. Your hands itch to reach out and slap him, furious and frustrated. He always has the most biting, annoying response to your statements, making them sound irrational and crazy. You hate feeling irrational and crazy. 

Of course Cole is a grown man, he doesn’t have to clear his plans with you. You feel silly for barging in and implying that that’s what you want at all. He’s also a frat boy– a dedicated brother, considering how often he talks about the frat and wears his letters when you see him, so you shouldn’t have believed him when he said you were the only girl he wanted to fuck. Your arrangement is one out of convenience, not feelings. You’re teetering dangerously close on feelings territory, and this is just about sex.

“I told you I didn’t want you fucking other girls,” you say, doubling down. “I don’t want to get an STD from you.”

“I told you I’m not fucking other girls,” Cole replies, rolling his eyes. “You’re overreacting, baby. Come sit with me. We’ll watch a movie while you calm down.”

He pats the bed next to him, then puts his arm up over the pillows. He’s shirtless, just lounging about in his room, and your eyes are drawn to the smooth skin of his side. You know he’s been working out– he goes to the gym every day, usually sends you a snap in the mirror of the locker room. It’s really showing. You watch his muscles ripple when he sweeps his arm out.

It’s distracting you from just how annoying and bitchy he’s being. You don’t want to sit down with him, or watch a movie with him, and you certainly don’t want him to tell you to calm down.

“Baby,” Cole repeats, a pout on his face. “Don’t make me beg.”

You glare at him, but your resolve crumbles anyway. “Fine,” you mutter, climbing onto the bed next to Cole. You settle in, frown on your face and arms crossed against your chest. 

Cole’s arm falls over your shoulder and he tugs you into his side. “Where’s my sweet girl, huh?” He asks, patting your arm and shaking you a bit. “Why’re you being so mean?”

Why am I being mean? You want to scream. You’re the one sleeping with other people!

But at the same time, the other part of you is blushing and wiggling happily in her seat. ‘My’ sweet girl, he said.

You don’t reply, trying to keep the unimpressed look in your eyes as you stare at Cole. He cradles your face, then moves his hands so he’s boxing you in. He starts to rise up on his knees, hovering above you, and you shrink down to escape his closeness. You don’t go far, because Cole plants a knee between your thighs and effectively stops you from moving any further.

“I see how it is,” Cole says. “You’re jealous.”

“I am not!” You exclaim, planting a hand on Cole’s chest. Warm. Bare. Oh God.

Cole grins and he leans down to kiss your shoulder, then up your neck. You let out a breath at the sensation, your body relaxing beneath him. Your hands find his hair and you want to stroke your fingers through the strands, but you pull him away by his locks instead.

Cole growls playfully, removing your hands from his hair and holding your wrists above your head with one hand. “You’re jealous,” he repeats.

“I’m not,” You retort.

Cole talks over you. “You’re cute when you’re jealous, but you know I’m all yours.”

You frown, ready to retort. Cole rolls his hips down onto yours and the complaint evaporates in your mouth. 

“Do I need to remind you?” Cole asks. He’s teasing you, mocking you. “Did you forget that my dick only gets hard for you, baby?”

“Cole,” you warn, the last shred of your dignity marking the word.

He frowns, making his eyes big and sad. He brings his hand down and pushes your knees apart so he can really crowd into your space. He grinds down against your clothed cunt and relishes in the little sound that you make.

“I’m not fucking other girls,” Cole promises, and the illogical part of you believes him. 

It seals the deal. You feel like you’ve suddenly locked the logical part of your brain behind bars, in a soundproof room. 

Cole leans down for a kiss and the image fades from your mind. He captures your lips, waiting for you to respond before he slips his tongue into your mouth. When he pulls away, you follow. 

“There she is,” he coos. “My sweet girl. Want me to fuck you, make you feel good?”

“Yeah,” you breathe out.

“You missed me this weekend, didn’t you?” Cole asks, releasing your wrists so he can use both hands to raise your shirt. He pulls it over your head, then grabs one of your breasts, thumbing over your nipple. He bites his lip at the sight and you keen. “That’s why you stormed in here, all mad. You missed me.”

Pathetically, you nod. It seems like the right answer at the time– anything to keep Cole’s hands on you. 

Cole’s face breaks into a smile and you soak it in like a reward. “Sweetheart, all you had to do was send me a message and I would’ve been in your bed. You didn’t have to come all the way out here.”

“Shut up,” you groan, a little embarrassed at the pet name. “Just fuck me.”

“You can ask nicer than that,” Cole chides, pulling away from you. He pushes his shorts down, leaving him just in some tight boxer-briefs that have your mouth watering. “I know you have manners, Y/N.”

“Please, Cole,” you reply. It’s half-hearted at best. 

Cole hums, unimpressed. He slips your shorts down your legs and pets over your panties, just skimming his fingers over the fabric. “So wet for me, but you’re not acting like it. Why do you make things hard for me, baby?”

He dips his fingers into your panties, slicking up his digits with your wetness. He traces your hole, but doesn’t push in. He completely ignores your clit.

You whine, rolling your hips against his hand. He stills his palm against you, making you do all the work.

“Say you need my cock,” Cole commands, looking at you like you need his guidance, like you can’t function without him. “That’s all you need to say, and then I’ll touch you.”

“Cole,” you say, blushing red. 

He pushes the tip of his middle finger inside of you, then retreats. He repeats the action, filling you more with each dip into your heat. “Say it, baby. Tell me you need my cock and it’ll be all yours.”

Your hips twitch against his hand, his ring finger now starting to join his middle. He’s stretching you wide, staring into your eyes as he does it and taking in each heave of your breath. He kisses your temple, then brings his mouth down to your chest. His tongue swirls against your nipple, then sucks the whole thing into his mouth. He moans against you, his fingers curling inside of you.

“Fuck, Cole,” you moan, a hand finding his shoulder. 

“Mm?” Cole hums, looking up at you, and the vibrations against your nipple are almost too much.

“I need your cock,” you plead, arching your back and rolling your hips into his hand. Cole prompts you again, the heel of his hand stroking your clit. “Please, Cole, I need your cock inside of me. I need you to fuck me.”

“Good girl,” Cole praises, drawing his fingers out of your cunt. He licks them clean, giving you a show. It makes you whimper, remembering all the times when his tongue danced up and down your slit and flicked over your clit until you came. “I’m going to give you what you need, don’t worry.”

He tucks his fingers into his waistband and inches the briefs down. You nearly drool when his length is revealed, a dribble of precum leaking from his slit. Cole fists his cock, laughing as your eyes follow his movements, pumping up and down.

“You need it bad,” Cole observes, smirking. “But there seems to still be something in my way.”

He pointedly lowers his eyes to your core and you rush to remove your panties, a wet line of slick attaching itself to your thigh while you hurry to rid yourself of the scrap of fabric. Once the panties are on the other side of the room, you spread your legs wide, waiting for him to fill the space and press into you.

“So eager,” Cole chides. “Spread your lips, babe. I want to see my hole.”

You choke on a gasp, his possessive tone like a squeeze to your heart. You bring a hand down between your legs and pull your folds apart, clenching as the chill in the air hits your bare entrance.

Cole’s eyes fill with fire at the sight of you, pliant and obedient beneath him. There's a reason he keeps coming back to you, after all. 

But you also don’t trust him, and Cole can’t have that. He needs to punish you just a bit more.

“You’re so mean to me, Y/N,” he says conversationally, still stroking himself. 

You frown and shake your head. “No, I'm not.”

“Uh-huh,” Cole teases. He lists off the reasons. “You accuse me of fucking other girls, you think I'm going to give you an STD…”

He inches toward the edge of his bed, reaching for his bedside drawer.

“I didn't mean that,” you say, trying to salvage the situation.

Cole draws a condom out of the drawer and tears the wrapping. He rolls the rubber onto his member and you pout.

“None of that, baby,” Cole reprimands. “You're worried that I'm fucking other girls and I might give you something. I guess we have to be safe until I can run to the Student Health Center and get tested, right?”

You grumble an agreement, frowning more when Cole lets out a chuckle and crowds into your space.

He nudges his way under your neck and sucks a bruise there, something that you’ll have to cover up for your class the following morning. You realize and push him away, but Cole just traps your hands again and brings them back above your head. He continues to suck and lick over your neck, purpling the area.

With his other hand, he lines himself up with your dripping entrance. He pushes forward, groaning as your heat envelops him.

“So tight,” he praises against your neck. He kisses, then shifts forward another inch. “I love your pussy.”

Your eyes roll back into your head as he snaps his hips forward, burying the rest of himself inside of you. 

Cole sets a frantic pace, grunting and moaning in your ear as he chases the pleasure surrounding his cock. 

“How could I fuck other girls when I’ve got this perfect pussy,” Cole muses, the question coming out as more of a rhetorical statement. He thrusts forward, hard, making your jaw drop. “Only pussy I need, right, baby?”

“Uh-huh,” you agree, his cock bumping your g-spot with every thrust. Every other sound that falls from your lip is a moan or a whimper, but they’re bubbling up in your chest into something louder.

“And fuck, you love this cock,” Cole continues, biting his lip and concentrating on the bliss covering your features. “Nothing fills you quite like me? That’s why you were all jealous? You thought someone else was getting your dick?” His tone turns mocking, pitiful. “You just couldn’t stand the idea of someone else having me, is that it?”

“Yes,” you whine, repeating the word with each of his trusts. You agree over and over again, barely aware of what he’s saying. His pleasure is consuming you, tending to a fire in your stomach that’s almost out of control. You yelp when Cole’s thumb comes down on your clit, rubbing in harsh circles, but the yelp turns into a wanton keen. “Cole, fuck, I’m close.”

“Gonna scream my name when you come, baby?” Cole asks, then kisses your lips. He pulls back, the hand not rubbing your clit bundled in the pillow next to your head for leverage. “Let the whole house know who’s fucking you this good?”

“Cole,” you wail, clutching his wrist to ground yourself.

“A little louder, sweet girl,” Cole encourages, nudging your nose against his and panting into your mouth. “Tell ‘em who you belong to.”

Your chest lifts off the bed involuntarily and you cry out, a garbled version of Cole’s name mixed with the high-pitched moan signaling your release. It’s Cole’s favorite sound that you make, and most of the time, he rewards you by spilling inside of you.

He’s forced to spill his seed in the condom, groaning and stuttering above you as he does so. You feel oddly empty, even though you can feel him twitching inside of you as his come fills the condom. 

Cole’s thrusts slow and eventually stop, his hooded eyes meeting yours. His bottom lip drops from his teeth and it curves with a smile, dipping to catch yours. He draws out while kissing you. Eventually he rolls away and pinches the tip of the condom, removing it. He ties it off and launches it toward his trash can– and makes it.

He brightens, looking back at you to make sure you saw it. 

“Kobe,” you tease, and Cole laughs.

He wipes you down with one of the shirts on his bedroom floor, tossing the item towards the laundry hamper when he’s done. He doesn’t even shoot for the basket, just aims in the general direction. He kisses up your chest and sucks a bruise onto the curve of your breast, then pecks your lips.

“I’m not fucking other girls,” he repeats, patting your hip. “But I do have a chapter meeting in about an hour, so I’m going to have to kick you out.”

You pout and he matches the expression, leaning in to kiss it off your face. He stands and finds your shirt and shorts, bringing them back to the bed. He sits in front of you and holds them out. You push away from his comfortable pillows and hold your arms above your head.

Cole bites back a grin, his eyes flickering down to look at your tits before he helps you slip the t-shirt over your head. He smooths some non-existent wrinkles, cupping your boobs before he pulls away. You snatch the shorts from his hand and pull them on, climbing out of bed and finding your way to his mirror across the room. You fuss over your hair for a second, trying to tame the unruly mess, but you give up and tie it up with the ponytail holder on your wrist. 

“Are you going to text me later?” You ask Cole, eyebrow raised.

He crossed his arms behind his head, laying back on his pillows. Your eyes are drawn down to his cock, laying against his thigh and soft again. Ugh. You still want it to be inside of you.

“Maybe,” Cole replies easily, knowing that his vagueness is frustrating. He wiggles his own eyebrows at you, smirking at your glare. “You’ll have to wait and see, won't ya?”

You scoff and roll your eyes. “You’re going to be the death of me, Caufield.”

“Well, you’ll die happy.” Cole sends you a little wave, scrunching his nose in a way that’s far too cute and unfair considering you have to leave. “Bye, Y/N.”

“Bye, Cole.”

You escape the frat house without running into any of the other guys, mercifully. As you walk toward your place, you pull your phone out of your pocket to text your best friend. 

Well, Cole isn’t fucking other girls

How do you know?

……… he told me

Good fucking God Y/N I thought we decided you weren’t going to sleep with him anymore

Too late

note: this is me. living vicariously. through my own writing. i miss you cole. why are you a dom in all of my recent fics. that's hot. i think it's probably because i'm manifesting.

I NEED A FRAT BOY TO SLEEP IN MY BED AND MAKE ME MISERABLE ASAP!! I'VE BEEN TOO NORMAL!! SOMEONE NEEDS TO MAKE ME GO CRAZY and i nominate cole caufield